Last month I wrote a piece on Attending Sinful Weddings, which addressed the issue of attending weddings of those not living in accord with the Church’s teaching on sexuality.
Below is a letter I wrote to a loved one who is undertaking just such a wedding.
Dear Linda (and Ted),
I was very pleased that your father called the other night to see if there was some way we could work to get me to your wedding. I do want to be there! I am sorry you are upset about the conversation you and I had a few weeks ago. I just tried to be honest with you about my thinking and feelings; I definitely did not mean to cast any shade on your preparations for your special day.
I continue to puzzle about the right thing to do. I talk about it with my friends and they ask me why you don’t want to get married in the Catholic Church, and I realize I don’t really know why you have rejected Catholicism. I really wish you would tell me. I sincerely would like to understand your thinking.
Maybe you are doing a lot to prepare spiritually for your marriage and I am just not aware of it. I don’t want to make assumptions that are false.
I often ask myself why I shouldn’t just accept the fact that you and I don’t agree on some fundamentals and go to your wedding. You certainly do have a right to your own values and opinions.
But this is where life gets interesting and hard. We need to be able to agree to disagree, but we also need to stick to our guns when we believe fundamental truths are in danger and when we believe people we love are making bad choices.
We now live in a time where males can say they are females and participate in women’s sports. A male can marry another male and a female another female. In some places, laws are being written to allow several males and females to marry each other. Some say a baby in a womb is just a bunch of tissue. All of those values and opinions are a terrible distortion of reality and lead to all kinds of trouble in this world.
The decision you are making is not, of course, equivalent to those examples; you have some of the most basic elements necessary for a marriage, and your relationship could participate in the fullness of marriage—it could be the real thing. But to truly be a marriage it needs to be fully blessed by God—for marriage is God’s creation. Pope St. John Paul II spoke of the strong attraction between a man and a woman to be the “raw material” of love which needs to be shaped in the right way and protected to develop into the love that will last a lifetime. He warned against “squandering” the raw material of love.
Are you writing your own vows? I would love to see those. What you are pledging to makes a very great difference. Some of those who get married outside of the Church do have valid marriages because of what they understand marriage to be. There is such a thing as natural marriage, which is between an unbaptized man and a woman who vow to have an indissoluble and faithful union open to children. If the parties getting married are baptized, the marriage is a sacramental marriage—though it is not valid or sacramental if one of the persons is a baptized Catholic getting married outside the Church.
Many baptized Catholics have a hard time understanding why they need to abide by Church teachings even if they no longer accept Catholicism. In fact, they may never have really accepted it—they were baptized as infants and then just did what they were told. It is not an altogether easy thing to understand. A useful analogy can be with citizenship—we are born into a country and that brings with it all sorts of obligations—for some even the obligation to fight for their country whether they want to or not; whether they agree with the war being waged or not. We also have to live with the name we are given. Though we can change our citizenship and name, it is not necessarily easy to do.
For those of us who are baptized and understand the promises of Christianity, baptism is a gift, not a burden. Few people think it unfair if they are born rich or beautiful. Baptism is something infinitely better than being born rich or beautiful—it sets us on the path to salvation.
Let me further lay out what my thinking on marriage is.
I am very happy that you have met Ted, a man who makes you so happy. God, who is Love itself, made us to love and be loved, and finding true love is one of the most wonderful things in this life. God made the whole universe for our delight and wants us to go through life delighting in it with beloved others. You are off to a good start.
Apart from deciding whether or not to follow Jesus as our Savior, there is no more important decision we make than whom we marry and how we marry—a happy marriage makes every joy greater and every hardship easier to bear. At the same time, there are few greater challenges in life than sustaining love throughout marriage. It can be done but only by those who work hard at it. That work is tremendously easier if God is part of the picture. A famous priest, Archbishop Fulton Sheen, wrote a wonderful book—Three to Get Married (I am sending you a copy)—in which he spoke of marriage as being between the man and the woman and God.
God loves love and loves marriage. He uses the image of marriage throughout Scripture. The Bible starts the story of mankind with a marriage—between Adam and Eve. Jesus performed His first miracle at the wedding of Cana. God speaks of Himself as our bridegroom and spouse. Heaven is described as a wedding feast.
And here is something to consider: marriage is a sacrament because it is a sign of supernatural realities. Marriage is a sign of the bond between Christ and the Church—Christ has made an act of complete self-giving to the Church, one of unconditional, indissoluble love. Priests are a sign of the radical love commitment Jesus made, and therefore they don’t get married in part so they can be a source of love to all. Spouses represent Jesus’ love and commitment to the world in a different way—they pledge to love their spouse unconditionally and thereby to help each other and the children they may have to get to Heaven. Both the priesthood and marriage are vocations—callings to live out the Christian commitment to complete self-gift and radical love and to be a sign of that life to the world. Good marriages bring great good into the world for everyone.
Nothing is clearer than that God has definite ideas on how we are to use the gifts He gives us…clear from the Garden of Eden. When we live in accord with His plan for things, and thus in His grace, we will maximize our chances for happiness (sadly, given that it is a fallen world, there are no guarantees). If we don’t live in accord with His plan for things, we generally make a mess of things. Fidelity to what is true, good, and beautiful is key to our relationship with God and to marriage.
As delightful and important as your love for each other is, even more important is to love Jesus and to allow yourself to experience Jesus’ love. Jesus came to teach us how to sacrifice, how to be generous, and how to love. When you love someone, you want to chase after them, spend all your life with them, and make all your decisions with them. Doing so will actually make you more loving toward everyone in your life. The best ways to fall in love with Jesus are to read Scripture, go to Church, pray, and receive the sacraments. Spend a lot of time with Him!
I hope that someday those things will become a regular feature of your life. I wish your mother were alive to discuss these matters with you. As you know, she stopped going to Church for some time, and for that reason she would understand where you are right now. She came back with a vengeance when she started having kids and realized she needed all the help she could get to keep His kids out of harm’s way. Luckily, your dad was on board with that. You and your mother would be having intense discussions right now, precisely because she loves you so much. She would want to share with you the truths she discovered and found essential to being a loving wife, mother, and friend.
Much of marriage means bending your will to the will of your spouse and vice versa. Self-sacrifice and generosity are vital to a good marriage. They are also vital to our relationship with God. Every Christian church has teachings on marriage—teachings believed to come from God Himself; basically: sex belongs within marriage; marriage is for building an intimate, loving relationship and having children; marriage must be faithful; and it is never to end in divorce.
You and I have been born into Catholic families and were baptized Catholics. You may find that to be a burden. For me, it has been a blessing beyond belief. It has helped me understand Jesus better. During the times of my life when I was far from Jesus, I was confused and often miserable. The closer I get to Christ, the greater peace and happiness I find.
I know you haven’t decided just how religion is going to fit into your life. Deciding whether or not God exists, whether Jesus was the Son of God, and whether the Catholic Church was truly established by God are not decisions that can wait until we get around to it; for our whole lives—and our eternal salvation—will be determined by that decision. Jesus set up a Church and established sacraments that mark key points in our lives—and marriage is most certainly one of those key points. Jesus wants to pour graces upon us at each of those points to enable us to go in the right direction, to move forward in life fully “armed” with graces to face the challenges that will arise, and basically to live in accord with God’s will.
I have committed myself fully to living in accord with the teachings of the Catholic Church because I believe doing so keeps me close to Jesus. Part of that commitment means that at all times I need to be a witness to what I believe to be true, even if it makes people angry with me…and even if it hurts those I don’t want to hurt.
As I told you, I agonize over all wedding invitations from those who have been baptized Catholic but decide not to get married as Catholics. To get married outside of the Church signals that one has left the Church. (The Catholic Church does permit getting married outside the Church, but it must be done in accord with norms set by the Church.) So, attending the wedding of someone who is getting married outside the Church amounts to celebrating someone leaving the Church and embarking upon a path not designated by God. Obviously, I have made some exceptions to that, as I explained to you…but the closer I feel to someone, the more important it is for me to be the witness I have pledged to be. You are my goddaughter, the daughter of my favorite cousin, and very dear to me. This is a serious business for me.
The reason I would like you and Ted to take a marriage prep course—Catholic or Protestant—is to give you every opportunity to have God in the picture. Many times, we just haven’t given full consideration to what God’s plan is. I know it will be hard to carve out time for it as you prepare for the wedding, but I am certain you will find it advantageous.
Last Sunday, I attended what is known as a betrothal ceremony, where an engaged couple pledges to get married and to devote themselves to preparing for marriage. It was even followed by a reception. It was wonderful, and I think you might enjoy seeing what it is all about.
The two marriage preparation courses I recommend are “Witness to Love” (Catholic) or Focus on the Family’s “Ready to Wed” (Protestant, which may be more acceptable to Ted). I would be happy to pay for either one (or both, if you want to do both!). Of course, you may find versions that would suit you better.
I would also be happy to recommend some good books and to discuss them with you if you wish. In fact, here are a few good articles that explain certain things: “What’s the Difference Between a ‘Natural Marriage’ and a ‘Sacramental Marriage’?”; “The Sacramentality and Indissolubility of Marriage”; and “Love and the Mystery of Sacramental Marriage.”
I would very much like to come, if only for the reception, and I hope we can find some way that the commitments of both of us are honored. I am sure it will be a beautiful event and I would love to be there with everyone.
As I said at the outset, I would love to understand better why you and Ted have made the decisions you have in respect to getting married. I would love to have a Zoom session with you, mostly for listening to your views—I have set out mine above. Please let me know if you are open to that.
I so hope this disagreement about the wedding doesn’t lead to a rift between us. It needn’t—we can respect each other and do what we think is right.
Love you lots, Linda, and am praying ardently for it all to work out.
The above comes from a Jan. 27 letter by moral theologian Janet Smith in Crisis Magazine.
Catholics shouldn’t go to same sex “weddings” either. It’s called living out your Catholic faith and willingly paying whatever price comes with it.
I’ll believe it when I hear it from the pulpit. No priest has ever said so at any Mass I’ve been to.
Find a church that’s actually Catholic.
Judge not lest ye be judged
Then don’t ask me to. If you ask me to a wedding that I regard as sinful, you put me on the spot, for I honor either you or the Lord. in that case: you lose.
Nobody’s asking you to judge. You’re taking that on yourself. A wedding that you regard as sinful? Full of yourself much? Why don’t you let the Lord decide? Pope Francis would go to the wedding.
“Go and learn what this means: I desire mercy, not sacrifice.” Matthew 9:13
Let him go. My attendance is my business. You have no right to demand my affirmation of your choice. If you don’t ask me, I won’t explain, but if you do I will.
“A wedding that you regard as sinful? Full of yourself much? Why don’t you let the Lord decide? Pope Francis would go to the wedding.” The let her invite Pope Francis. Upon reading Dr. Smith’s letter, the last impression I get is that she is “full of herself.” She is a deep thinker and compassionate person. I judge the mercy she has shown Linda to be far greater than that you have shown toward Dr. Smith. It is dangerous to apply Matthew 9:13, that is, Jesus criticism of the Pharisees, to such particular instances such as this. For in so doing, you judge Dr. Smith a Pharisee, which seems grossly unfair to me.
Hopefully there is not a real Linda or Ted and she didn’t share a personal letter she wrote to them on the Internet (at least, not without their permission.).
I agree with Tom Byrne. They know you are Catholic and that it puts you in a spot but none of the other Catholics mind.
And what if we don’t invite her? How will that look?
It is not easy for the bride and groom or the person invited.
She also admits that she has gone to these sinful kind of weddings before. Maybe she had such a guilty conscience that she does not want to do it again. Her criteria was…how close she feels to them? Huh?
Here is the proper etiquette. She sends you the invitation. You RSVP. You regret that you cannot attend.
You do not need to make a big deal of it.
You can mention the grave sin of not getting married in the Church and ask them to talk to their priest or recommend one.
It can be a relationship-ending conversation.
They have to accept that your religion is more important to you than they are or maybe they will understand that you are concerned for their souls. But today’s young people don’t believe that God will put them in hell…for getting married.
If they invited her, hopefully, it was because she was important enough to them to spend a lot of money having her there. (It could just be an obligation, though.) She has made a decision that they are not important enough to her to attend.
Nobody that knows me would be surprised if I chose Church over family. It is part of why I am not particularly important to them.
Bottom line, it is right to admonish the sinner. Don’t expect the sinner to appreciate it.
If I were invited, I would never attend a same-sex wedding. It is wrong. And against my religion. If I were in Dr. Janet Smith’s shoes, however, and my goddaughter left the Catholic Church and was getting married– I wouldn’t send her this very long letter– too “academic,” in tone. I would just express my concerns to her in person, and have a little talk. I would respect her views as an adult– but also, personally invite her to think about a return to the Catholic Faith, and invite her to re-think her wedding plans. I would try to stick by her, and be a good influence, and pray for her and her husband to return to the Faith– and pray for her children someday, too, about this.
Sometimes people stray from the Catholic Faith, but join other churches, and raise their children as Christians, in a different church. I once knew of a lady who had done this. One day, I noticed a Rosary in her home– and she confided to me that she still had a devotion to the Blessed Mother, and still carried her Rosary and prayed it, at times, especially in times of need, if a family member was sick. Next, she confided that she missed the Catholic Church all these years, and sometimes thought of a return. She was a wonderful cook, and had a batch of delicious cookies in the oven, and we talked. She gave me a plate of cookies to take home. And I prayed that Our Lady might help her return to the Catholic Faith.
Our pastor told us to go to a civil marriage ceremony where a divorced Catholic was marrying a non-Catholic. “Build bridges not fences.” he said.
The person did eventually come back to Mass, got first marriage annulled, got marriage blessed, baptized the kids, spouse converted.
I credit Our Lady, Undoer of Knots and of course, Her Son the Redeemer.
I’ve got two I am praying for now.
An older female who never married and in her senior years in going to take a civil marriage with a divorced man.
A youngish person who has had a lot of failed relationships and is now going to marry their best friend in a civil ceremony ( I think-the friend was described as a satanist who does not worship the devil).
If you got room in your prayers to send up a couple, I would appreciate it.
My neighbor friend who sent me home with the cookies that day, always used to make me laugh, as she would sometimes say, out of the blue– “You know, I just don’t want my kids to grow up– and shack up. That is my only worry.” Loved her funny phrase! She was a good mother, very devoted to her children. And had a wonderful, devoted husband, too.
I used to feel strongly that one should not attend these weddings.
One of the civil marriages that I did not attend was two Catholics who were living together. They were OK with the Church; she just wanted a wedding on the beach. They got their marriage blessed by the Church. Very soon afterward, she found out he was cheating and had been cheating since before the marriage. She could divorce him because it was a civil marriage but they had to get an annulment because of the Church blessing of the marriage.
I know another person who’s mother begged him to get their marriage blessed by the Church. The priest refused to do it; we prayed and he relented. A few years later, the woman divorced him. Now he has to go through the annulment process.
You should seek God’s Will. I clicked on the blue link Attending Sinful Weddings and it was all about a dad who did not want to compromise his beliefs.
Catholics used to not be able to attend the weddings of Catholics who married Protestants.
Those days are over. We had a family member who lived back in those times and she was the Protestant spouse who eventually converted to Catholicism. When her great grand daughter was marrying a Protestant, the girls mother would not attend but the great grandma was in the front row because she knew how it felt to have family boycott her wedding and she would not do it to another person.
I need to correct the sub-title.
Contacting a civil marriage is a grave sin- a mortal sin under the conditions of knowledge of the sin and full consent of the will,
This is not leaving the Church.
People in mortal sin are still members of the Church.
People who contract civil marriages are still members of the Church. They cannot receive communion without sacramental confession and they need to abstain from sex until they get their marriage convalidated.
The Church has no right to complain that young Catholics leave the Church and get married civilly when Mass, catechesis, Catholic schools and parish life and youth ministry are all so abysmally awful in quality. Really. The Church is driving young people away with insipid preaching, lousy music, boring catechesis, and a presentation of the faith that is utterly irrelevant to life today. And yet the Church has the gall to complain when young Catholics get married outside the Church? Maybe give them reasons not to stop practicing the faith, keep them in the Church, and then they’ll get married in the Church. This failure is the Church’s own. The Church owns it.
So two wrongs make a right?
I tend to agree – so many of the older, more OT dogmatic traditionalists try to rely on guilt and shame to convince their children, both as young children and adults, to come to church because of tradition, or an outdated fear that if one’s children leave the church that the parents will be pulled out of heaven, etc. Relying on guilt and shame lends itself to mental health issues, and then if they leave the church anyway, a continuous stream of guilt is the result. The church does not need to become Protestant Romanus, but rather give traditions but temper some of the other protocols so that teens, who have unprecedented freedoms to think (egads, dare they think critically?), can think about and then decide to remain Catholic because it meets their need to be closer to God on a level they feel works, not one that is forced.
Sheesh. This woman’s letter will drive her goddaughter farther away.
How do you know that?
Unless you know the women (and even if you do), it seems you’re making some assumptions. It may and it may not. We simply don’t know.
I would not have read the letter — too long and preachy. I don’t want to hear what I don’t want to hear — or read.
What this woman doesn’t realize is that the bride left the church a long time ago, and a dissertation such as she wrote to her isn’t going to bring her back. Even if the bride reluctantly had a church wedding to please mom/grandma/this woman, she wouldn’t go to weekly Mass after the wedding. Long time over. This letter wasn’t written to this woman’s acquaintance. The letter was written for an audience of Trads so they could copy and paste things from it to beat their own fallen away kids over the head with when they also decide not to get married by the church.
Would you mind explaining what and who you mean by “Trads?”
I just noticed upon a second read that Janet Smith is willing to attend the wedding reception? That’s a cop out. What are they celebrating at the reception but the wedding she refuses to attend and considers sinful? Why would she want to celebrate at the reception and say “congratulations” if she thinks the wedding is sinful? She’s trying to have it both ways, not taking a principled stand. I can’t respect that. Either go to both or don’t go to either.
There have been some thoughtful comments here. And, I’m generally sympathetic to and in agreement with the respected Dr. Smith’s “take.” That said, as she said, “I have made some exceptions to that…” Her letter seemed a little overly broad (and I wouldn’t have brought up same-sex so-called “marriage.”)
I’ve often been asked about wedding attendance. Sometimes it’s a matter of prudential judgment. Pastorally, I’d need to know more about a specific couple and their situation and wouldn’t presume to tell someone what they should do.
Was her goddaughter raised in the Faith or only baptised? Is she really leaving the Church? Does she even know what the Church is? (It seems so, given her late mother’s faith.)
Is she (still) a practicing Catholic? It seems marrying a Protestant is a factor. If she wants to be a Catholic Christian, it’s possible to have a priest or deacon witness her marriage and have a Protestant clergyman serve as well. Of course, this would likely be a wedding ceremony, not a nuptial Mass. Holy Matrimony is a sacrament that stands on its own and was not always celebrated during a Mass.
If two people are claiming to be Catholics, yet already living together as husband and wife, as often happens, that would be a bigger problem and scandal and I would recommend no Catholic attend. Yet, that often seems okay to even parents and clergy.
I have a couple of young relatives who were baptized to please grandparents and not raised in the Faith. For the sake of the relationships, I could, in good conscience, attend. I attended as a relative, not in clerical garb. I know a priest who deferred marrying a couple (he did not refuse to marry them, as some said) due to some underlying issues that needed to be dealt with. The couple “shopped around” for a priest who would marry them. My friend attended in suit and tie (sitting in the pews with other friends) in order to maintain some relationship with them. (The marriage fell apart shortly after, due to the issues the priest raised.)
So, generally, I agree with Dr. Smith, there are times one should not attend a wedding and I entirely agree with the teachings of the Church. And, I admit I may not have handled all cases perfectly. Yet, again, I don’t think there’s a “one size fits all” answer. Pray, talk with those involved and seek wise counsel before making a decision. May we all share in the life of Christ, including His Body, the Catholic Church, of which He is the Head.
Anonymous:
As I tried to indicate to another above: you don’t need my approval, so why would you push me on such an issue? You don’t need to ask me to your wedding; you don’t need to demand an answer if I say “no”. Yet you do and demand that I “affirm” you (pardon the ’70s expression). Why, especially if I don’t shoot my mouth off (which, unless I’m Dad or Mom, would be offensive)? As you do not need my approval, I don’t owe it to you.
I agree Tom. Better to say “No” I cannot attend politely on an invitation without even giving an excuse, than go to the reception of invalid or illicit marriages just to keep peace. There was a time when women who entered second marriages wore pastel instead of white, and the man and woman were civilly married by a justice of the peace, who provided two witnesses, unless they had an annulment.
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As far as so-called “same-sex” marriages, I have never been asked as my family knows I would never attend, and it has happened in my extended family.
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Perhaps many do not realize, that Dr. Janet Smith is a renowned, elderly, now-retired Professor of Moral Theology, at Sacred Heart Major Seminary in Detroit, Michigan– and a Consecrated Virgin. She is also a renowned author of several books. Of course, she must feel a tremendous responsibility, being in a Catholic leadership position– but her goddaughter is not her student at either Notre Dame (where she used to teach) or Sacred Heart Major Seminary. Dr. Smith sounded very “academic” to me, like a “Professor,” in her letter to her goddaughter! Dr. Smith has also served as a consultant to the Holy See in various capacities– for the Pontifical Council for the Family, Congregation For Religious and Secular Institutes, Council for Promoting Christian Unity, Anglican Roman Catholic International Commission, etc. Dr. Smith is an expert on “Humanae Vitae,” and on Marriage and Family issues.
That explains a lot. No parent would ever have written such a counterproductive and misguided, although well-intentioned, letter to a young lapsed Catholic. Academics think that intellectual arguments work on regular folk. They don’t.
Hmm, our pastor a long time ago, told us to send wedding invitations to everyone you want to send them to. If people have problems with you both, they will “self select out.” At the time, we were on the cutting edge of a lot of social change in America, but we were not going to let a legal system or church system tell us what to do. We knew god loved us, and we had a wonderful supportive community. The people who wanted to be with us showed up. The people who couldn’t handle it, for whatever reason, did, as our pastor told us they would; they self selected out.
Decades later, a lot has changed. And people still are self selecting out of weddings, for many many reasons. I’m glad I didn’t get some lengthy letter from someone like Janet Smith. It just seems so full of herself, and so go on and on and on…. just don’t go to the wedding Janet, it is that simple. It’s not about you anyway, I know, what a concept these days. P.S. My parents were Jewish and Catholic, they got married in 1955, and I’m sure they dealt with the “Janets” out there of the 1950s. The priest counseling them said quite plainly to them “mixed marriages almost never work.” My Mom told me this story in the late 60s I think, probably 12 years later. My Mom, being a very intellectual Catholic and great Mom, told me what she secretly thought when the priest said that to them. Women of that era didn’t call out male authority figures to their faces, but my Mom’s story still makes me smile even to this day. What was she secretly thinking, “We’ll show YOU.”
I’d like to think that I took on my parent’s example, of what it was like to deal with anti-Jewish attitudes in the Catholic church circa 1955. But when we got married in 1987, let’s just say, the local paper interviewed us. 45 years together, people self selected out of our marriage ceremony, but now I have lots of friends who have divorced. I know several women who have been married and divorced three times, WOW. But hey, it is Hollywood….
It was very weird reading Janet Smith’s letter, but then lots of things in this newsletter are a view of an alternate universe. I like to know what conservatives think, and why they think it. Keep the lines of communication open, but now, decades later, I am more philosophical. Weddings are highly charged emotional events. They really aren’t that fun to go to. I know I don’t attend them anymore (rare rare exceptions perhaps). I don’t know how Catholic churches deal with the millions of divorced Catholics out there. They have their standards and I get that. I’m so glad I live in a country that actually has freedom of religion and belief. I don’t ever want to live in a theocracy of any kind, so thanks to the very critical geniuses of the constitution, I don’t have to worry about a Janet Smith getting me burned at the stake or thrown out into the street.
You don’t ever say what the possibly unacceptable characteristic of your marriage was/is. Why not?
The fact that you wrote you weren’t going to let the “legal system” get in your way in 1987 and that you were on the “cutting edge of a lot of social change” leads me to surmise you had a same-sex commitment ceremony. If that’s true, why are you afraid to just say so?
Then you write a rant about conservatives being judgmental and the failed marriages of your inferiors.
The Catholic Church has canon laws about marriage. People are free to disregard them, but then they’re not acting the way Catholics should.
BTW, same-sex unions are contrary to Catholic canon law and morality.
So called “same-sex” marriages are against Orthodox Judaism also as the Torah clearly states that sodomy is an abomination, so if she did she has apostatized from both Judaism and Christianity. Many people who call themselves Jews and Christians are really apostates.
It was not just the Catholic Church that “burned at the stake”, Audrey. Some in the early Jewish community turned the first Christians into the Romans to be crucified as heretics or stoned to death men like St. Stephan themselves.
Moses also used some horrific punishments for idolaters, such as melting down the Golden Calf and making the idolaters drink the molten gold, do you condemn him too? so I would advise you not to open that “can of worms”. One thing Christians have never done is to put into law the cutting off of men’s hands or feet for theft as one religion (Islam) has done. How can a man make restitution if maimed?
It was not just the Catholic Church that “burned at the stake”, Audrey. Some in the early Jewish community turned the first Christians into the Romans to be crucified as heretics or stoned to death men like St. Stephan themselves.
Moses also used some horrific punishments for idolaters, such as melting down the Golden Calf and making the idolaters drink the molten gold, do you condemn him too? so I would advise you not to open that “can of worms”. One thing Christians have never done is to put into law the cutting off of men’s hands or feet for theft as one religion (Islam) has done. How can a man make restitution if maimed?
I wouldn’t have sent a letter, either. I don’t think admonishments are the charitable way to go. I have also opted out of weddings and attended a Catholic relative’s secular wedding service out of love for my family. Just as an aside, you cannot opt out of a “legal system” without repercussions but you can always opt out of a “church system” if you don’t agree with their standards.
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Some people may not understand, that in our Church, Marriage is a Sacrament. It is a union not based merely on personal human desires– it is a living Sacrament, with Christ at the center, and He unites the couple and provides all necessary graces, lifelong, for the couple’s Marriage and future children. The Holy Sacrament of Matrimony is a Vocation, a transformative pathway to selfless love, giving, sacrifice, and holiness– and a preparation for Eternal Life with God in Heaven.
For the Catholic, all earthly life is a pilgrimage to our Eternal Home, in Heaven.
St. Gianna Beretta Molla and Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin, the holy parents of St. Therese of Lisieux, are wonderful examples of saintly parents, for Catholics to look up to!
I am so glad that America is not a theocracy. We do have freedom of religion and belief. I found all the comments here quite fascinating. The Catholic church I grew up in was a good place for kids. But as I grew older, and then lived abroad for many years in a non-western country, I realized a totally different society can exist. Really, when you get to know people, you can’t assume much of anything anymore. So, as I said above, if you don’t want to go to a wedding, certainly don’t go. Sometimes issues really are that simple. Good luck everyone, and have a Happy New Year!
The same to you Audrey.
I have only become so strict as I became older because I have seen how divorce and remarriage has destroyed the lives of many children in my and my husband families. The Church also respects the marriages of protestants and other religions too. That is way it is so fussy on some of these issues. I have the feeling that if we honor other people’s marriages, they will at least honor ours and less families will be destroyed and less children without their natural parents.
God bless.