It can be easy to see a seminarian’s discernment out of seminary as a failure. In fact, many of those who discern out of seminary face a kind of stigma from their friends and family, and even from themselves.
But that stigma is based on a misunderstanding of seminary’s purpose, former seminarian Jacob Hubbard told CNA.
As Hubbard said, seminary is a “house of discernment, and not a house of mini-priests,” adding that if a man leaves seminary, it’s often a positive sign of his ongoing vocational discernment.
Fr. Phillip Brown, President-Rector of St. Mary’s Seminary and University in Baltimore, agreed.
“As a seminary faculty and as a rector, when a seminarian discerns out, and we’re satisfied that it was an authentic, good, discernment, we don’t consider that a failure. We consider that a success,” Brown explained.
“What I say to the seminarians is that in the end, the objective here is not to become a priest, but to be what God has made you to be,” Fr. Brown said.
Discerning into seminary
Hubbard said he had long considered the priesthood, with encouragement from his family, and reflected on it while journaling about his prayer life while in high school, and through retreats and mission trips.
After several invitations to visitation weekends at Holy Trinity Seminary in Dallas, Texas, he attended one. He chose to apply to the seminary, entering as a sophomore in college.
Discerning out of seminary
During Hubbard’s time in seminary, he worked hard to be engaged in the community and to take the opportunities presented to him.
He sought out counsel about his questions, and trusting his spiritual director to keep his best interests in mind, opened up to him about everything.
One of the biggest moments for Hubbard was when his spiritual director asked Hubbard to consider marriage.
His spiritual director asked Hubbard to imagine himself, in prayer, as a priest coming home from a good day of Confessions and Mass, and then to imagine, in prayer, being married and coming home to a wife and children.
“I felt so much more deeply my heart belonged with a family,” Hubbard explained. “There’s no way to really articulate it, except that I just felt myself more present, more human there. Even just painting the picture almost brought me to tears.”
Hubbard left seminary in November of his senior year.
“And I have not regretted it since,” he said. “It’s been a beautiful journey. Seminary was a necessary step, and so I know that God has just continued to lead me along a path which I hope one day, He will use to help heal those hurting around me. I want to still give of myself to those around me.”
Does “discerning out” mean failure?
Although seminary was helpful for Hubbard in his discernment both for the priesthood and for the married life, he found that a lot of people misunderstood the reasons he had left, and some saw it as a failure on his part.
“I think that a lot of people have the misconception that when you step out of seminary it’s a failure of sorts. Their reactions are, ‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ or things like that. The negative stigma of discerning out needs to be eradicated so that seminarians who are torn don’t have that fear that when they leave, their friends, their families, their priests back home will be disappointed.”
“The stigma holds seminarians back from being able to healthily discern. I think that’s something pretty unaddressed in today’s world: the very healthy and good option of discerning out. People see it as something entirely negative, and they shouldn’t,” Hubbard said.
Full story at Catholic News Agency.
I think the stigma of leaving seminary keeps many candidates from ever entering.
May God bless Hubbard and others who honestly discern ‘out’. Many change college majors, or change careers early in working years. Former seminarians are, in my opinion, no different.
Many young people change their area of study (major) one or more times during their college years. Similar to “discerning out” this experience is often viewed as a sign of growth and a hallmark of what it means to be an educated person. God Bless all of our former and current seminarians.
It is a dangerous thing for a spiritual director to ask a seminarian to “compare” or line-up priesthood with the prospect of a wife, kids and family life. When a healthy young guy is asked to compare, a wife and family will win out almost every time. True discernment should never center on imagining oneself as a married man or as a priest. The discernment should center on the question: “Do I truly feel called to make this sacrifice of family, personal gain and the secular life so that I may offer my life as an oblation to serve God and Church as a priest?”
While I am on the soapbox…I do feel that a small number of men still use the seminary to get a good formation and education and then bail out after gaining an almost free degree. I know this may sound harsh, but I have known a number of guys who have done this very thing. They get all the way to the STB/MA/MDiv level and then, just before diaconate ordination, they pop smoke and bail. It’s interesting to me that they figure it all out just when wrapping up formation and studies with a brand new degree in hand. One must ask if this guy was truly discerning all those six years or just working a system.
Fr. John,
I thought part of Ignatian Discernment included taking time to imagining oneself in either state of life or making either choice, the good and the bad of each and to see how that resonates within their heart.
It would seem to me someone who is mature could do this and still follow where they think God is calling them.
Thank you for your comments.
I don’t think there’s a stigma for leaving the seminary — unless one has been kicked out.
I spent 5 1/2 years in the major seminary, leaving during my novitiate. I felt I needed some life experience and thought I’d ultimately return.
After 5 years I found myself happily married. But I still felt the call to the altar and to service. Resisting God’s call for over 30 years, I finally said, “Yes!”
I was accepted into diaconate formation and am now a permanent deacon. I believe my lifetime of experience with God and a good confessor’s guidance, I have become the deacon God wanted me to be.
Thank goodness I had and continue to have my wife’s support.
Where discernment is concerned, it is not always a question if “yes” or “no”… sometimes it is “not yet.”
God Bless them for listening to that ‘still, small voice’.
I think there is a stigma in discerning out. When my son, who was made to post his discerning out by way of bulletin board
in Rome, he was ignored by a close friend and by others. There is no support for someone who has gone through seminary even for a short time and then leaves. Living in community for a few years, then all of a sudden, there is no support from fellow seminarians or priests is hard on a man. They are left hanging. And while faithful Catholics know it is a time to figure it all out, that it is not a failure, a transition time/place would be most helpful for those who do not fare well.
I have never seen a stigma placed on former seminarians, either in the pre-Conciliar or post-Conciliar Church. I have just seen them eventually getting settled into what they want to do in life. In the pre-Conciliar era, vocations were in abundance! But in this era, there are few vocations– the loss of just one vocation is quite noticeable!