If you grew up with dogs (as I did), you know that something bizarre and sad often happens when a mother dog loses her puppies. With hormones and maternal instinct coursing through her, she will frequently adopt inanimate objects as “replacement-puppies.”
Usually, she chooses something like a boot, hat, or stuffed toy. Mother cats do the same thing, typically with socks. Whatever the object, the animal will carry it around, lick it, attempt to suckle it, protect it, and otherwise pour all of her energy and nurturing instincts into it—often for much longer than she would an actual litter of puppies or kittens.
Something in her brain is soothed by the non-living replacement, but ironically, this replacement-puppy can prevent the mother from trying again to bear actual young. Her instincts are permanently misdirected, wasted on an object that will never be her real offspring.
Even sadder is when humans do the same thing. I’m not talking about mothers who have lost their babies. I’m talking about men and women, especially from the millennial generation, who have chosen to indefinitely postpone having children, yet still feel the unshakeable urge to parent.
This urge is natural. It’s good. It was placed in us to let us know that our reproductive systems are in prime shape to marry, build a home, and raise children. As the father of three, I can also say what a joy it is to feel the tug of those parental instincts and fulfill them as God intended.
But for many in my generation who are also approaching 30, children (and the ideal prerequisite for children, marriage), are still out of the question because they’re too expensive, too time-consuming, and might cramp their style. Those nurturing instincts don’t go anywhere, though. A disturbing number of young adults are directing them toward substitutes—not boots or stuffed toys, but dogs and cats.
The Rise of ‘Fur Babies’
I’m convinced that psychology manuals 200 years from now will identify “replacement-baby syndrome” as a diagnosable epidemic in my generation. For an unbelievable number of millennials, pets’ original purpose—to be shaggy companions and useful partners in work and housekeeping—has been superseded by a role they were never intended to fill: replacement child.
It is now commonplace to hear young people my age unironically refer to their pooches and kitties (I’m horrified to even write this) as “children,” “fur-babies,” “kids,” “girls,” “boys,” or “sons and daughters.” Likewise, it’s not at all unusual to hear pet-owners refer to themselves as “pooch parents,” or “mommies and daddies.”
It’s Hard Work Pretending Animals Are Humans
Maybe not much, because they’re likely very busy. After all, being a “pet parent” is hard work. This strenuous delusion usually involves pretending animals are humans, as with a viral Pinterest post by a woman who huffs, “Don’t say I am not a Mom just because my kids have 4 legs and fur. They are my kids, and I am their mom.”
Millennials, it turns out, are twice as likely as baby boomers to buy clothing for their pets, an industry which, along with other forms of “pet-pampering,” amounted to $11 billion last year, and markets such essential items as pet strollers and pet slings.
Many in my generation naively think of their dogs and cats as “practice babies,” hoping to test the waters of parenthood on a child that won’t resent them for a lifetime or wind up in prison should they fail. Never mind that dogs would probably resent being treated like lab rats if they could understand human motives. Certainly, they don’t appreciate being carted off to the animal shelter when their “parents” tire of them. But how many couples misdirect their parental instincts toward a door-shredding, constantly shedding nightmare and then decide they can’t handle kids?
College Humor provides some much-needed ridicule of this idea, and shows why it’s a sign of a weak relationship more than it is of cautious parenting (if our marriage falls apart, at least only the dog will suffer!). But there’s a more serious and long-lasting consequence of millennials’ choice to substitute babies with animals, even temporarily: They aren’t getting around to actually having babies.
Full story at The Federalist.
just a few weeks ago i saw a bumper sticker proudly proclaiming ‘all my kids have paws’, emblazoned against a roundish paw-shaped background. also, seen representing the anger of the no-child households, different versions of bumper stickers proclaiming ‘ i don’t care how many stick children you have’. the most violent, of the many i see, shows a fighter jet menacing an air attack on a ‘stick family’, with the same ‘i don’t care phrasing. prayer need here, clearly.
Wow. Reading the comments appended to the
original article, it seems those choosing barrenhood
are pretty “well defended” psychologically or ostensibly so.
Our culture is literally going to the dogs.
Better to parent a dog, cat or hamster when one is clearly psychologically ill-prepared and ill- equipped to parent a child.
I once saw a bumper sticker showing a rope and a noose for each stick child. Sick! Anyway, we all know how the Sexual Revolution and the Contraception Culture has separated the sex act from procreation, but somehow Marriage has gotten separated from procreation too. That scene from “The Godfather” where Michael says to Kay, “I want you to have my children,” sounds so strange today. I partially blame the lack of messaging from the Church pulpits. We’ve become a society that hates children, and the promotion of NFP plays right into this. The statement, “If you really love someone, ya wanna make babies with ’em,” is something I never hear anymore.
I’ve noticed that both the terminology and the attitudes stated in the article pre-date the millennial generation and appear to have roots in the baby boomer generation. I know this because I had a dog twenty years ago and repeatedly had to correct people when they world refer to my dog as my child or daughter and me as the parent.
I see this all the time at my workplace.
Woman with no kids with a “DogMom” sticker on her car. And, who was devastated by the death of one of her pets. Weeping when she showed pics of the animal. Grief is normal for a lost pet but this was way over the top.
Another (no former co worker) with now kids had the name of their deceased dog scribed on the insides of his and his wife’s wedding rings. His descriptions of how the animal passed away sounded remarkably like how a grieving parent would react.
I think the writer of this article fails to see the truth — the LONELINESS of millions of people in today’s society, completely destroyed, since the 1960s– and completely deprived of FAMILY as well as a GOOD, DECENT AMERICAN CULTURE!! Many LONELY people– are DESPERATE TO BE LOVED AND NURTURED– AND DESPERATE FOR THE TRADITIONAL AMERICAN MARRIAGE, HOME, AND FAMILY LIFE, THAT WE ONCE HAD!! They have NO INTEREST in so- called “pt parenting,” at all! The name, “pet parent” is just a silly gimmick!! We need the compete American traditional family home– complete with “Lassie” and her pups!!
It is a good idea, for good, mature mothers and fathers, to teach their children mature, wise, caring, and virtuous social relating skills, so that when the children are full-grown, they will be all ready for successful Traditional Marriage and parenting– and will hand down this wisdom to the next generation, and enrich American culture, with all the good their parents brought to them. Someday, I hope and pray for a full return to Traditional American Marriage, Home, and Family, as the heart of our Nation and our Church! And our beloved pets need a warm family home, too— complete with lots of animal-loving children, to play with them!