The worst part of living a lie is wondering when they’ll find out; however, the best part of living your truth is discovering the power you have from within. For me, my truth came out over ice cream. You can run scenarios over and over again about how it may play out when you’re ready to tell a loved one, the anxiety behind coming out can be overflowing. The goal though in life is to choose life to the fullest, and you can’t always have that unless you choose to be yourself.
My name is Stuart Moskovitz and I’m LMU’s new director of LGBT Student Services and I am so happy to be of service for the community. As we are in LGBTQIA+ History month, there are millions of individuals who will choose to come out. So much so that there is a day each year, Oct. 11, known as National Coming Out Day, to celebrate those that have chosen to come out and live the life they identify.
First celebrated in 1988, the background of this movement has deep roots grounded in politics around feminist and gay liberation, the goal of which is to be openly queer. Part of this movement let us be able to reclaim the term “queer,” taking away the word’s power to cause turmoil. The date of the 11th comes from the National March in Washington D.C. for Lesbian and Gay Rights one year prior. There were two brave activists, Robert Eichberg and Jean O’Leary, who spearheaded this moment; Eichberg was a gay psychologist who understood human development and O’Leary a lesbian political leader. Together they focused on a way to actively celebrate and maintain positivity behind coming out. Eichberg sadly passed away due to the HIV/AIDS epidemic shortly after this national holiday was passed, and O’Leary died in 2005. I bet they’d be proud of the steps our country has taken to promote those within the queer community from their hard work.
Eichberg has been quoted in the early 90’s saying “Most people think they don’t know anyone gay or lesbian, and in fact, everybody does. It is imperative that we come out and let people know who we are and dispute these fears and stereotypes.” And while this is a harmonious and utopian viewpoint, not everyone is given the opportunity to come out and be themselves. Homophobia, religious intolerance, political climates, lack of safety, and family disownment are a few of a multitude of reasons why people choose to stay in the closet. These beliefs thrive to keep others in power, choosing to silence people’s voices and allowing ignorance to take hold and dig its claws in deep.
But there is a reason why we fight: We’re fighting for rights, justice, and an opportunity to be seen and recognized. Even with legalized marriage, there are numerous places that you can lose your job or be discriminated against just for being queer. Similarly, there are numerous states that deny your right to vote if you’re trans because of one’s lifestyle not matching their national ID. And even years later through numerous wars, the military still tries to deny the opportunity to those within the queer community to serve our country. Queer communities have one of the highest suicidality rates among identities due to the pressures of life. While we are making steps, there’s still a lot to do. It’s a beautiful thing to feel a sense of safety love and belonging, and that lets you focus on the intricacies that come with life and creating human connection.
And while creating a life to live, we continue to find professions that have a disproportional number of individuals that are cis/straight, one of them being male athletics. Between locker room talk, invasive privacy around intimate settings, and potential to hinder the team dynamics, it’s not uncommon for those within the queer community to feel uncomfortable. As someone who played soccer, baseball and ran cross country growing up, I can attest to not always being able to be myself in these settings. I loved the sports, but I found it difficult to make the connections when choosing to keep part of myself and personality at bay. There also wasn’t someone who necessarily looked like me to find the strength of being able to say “they did it and I can do it too.” Presence matters, and for the first time last year, the U.S. had an out gay man under contract in a professional setting for soccer, football, baseball, basketball, and hockey. Across the pond, Europe this year has had their first out gay rugby player and first soccer player to come out ever. This would have been unheard of many moons ago, and representation breaks down walls and destigmatizes implications.
And representation is what has allowed so many individuals to choose new sexual and gender identities. People are now out and making labels for themselves. While these individuals have always existed, the ability to present and perform a certain way hasn’t. Whether it be asexual, demisexual, graysexsual, genderfluid, pansexual, polyamorous, non-binary, intergender, pangender, or questioning (and there’s more), people are choosing to come out and find a label that matches them. Studies show new generations are looking for positive label descriptors to help individuals navigate their identities and how one “fits” in society.
Lastly, as we are celebrating the coming out process, I want to leave you all with pieces of advice for coming out and navigating spaces: 1) It can take some time to come to terms with being queer, so definitely sit with yourself and choose to come out to yourself first to build self-acceptance; 2) If you are in a space where you do not feel safe or feel like you may be in danger/harm for coming out, then wait. Your safety and life are paramount and you will have time to come out; 3) Definitely come out at your own pace. There is no magic timeline on when it’s the right time to come out. You can tell a pet or plant first as a way to help verbalize it and practice saying the words. 633e5d0466ee4 copyand chose to come out to my family and close friends before choosing to present myself publicly as queer to everyone; 4) Set up a support system that you know has your back. We have an uncanny ability to form a chosen family, and during this challenging time, support allows you to grow and know you have people or an organization to lean on. Some great organizations are The Trevor Project, It Gets Better, my office (LGBTSS, Malone 201F), and in the greater L.A. community The Los Angeles LGBT Center; 5) Develop ways of self-care when life gets tough. You never know what each day may bring you, so having tools in your tool kit to destress or recognize resources at your fingertips can be quite fruitful when going through the stresses of coming out. And if you’re anything like me, I found comfort in coming out over ice cream because it’s pretty hard to be sad while eating ice cream.
I readily look forward to getting to know the LMU community more and providing support where possible, and if you want to strike up a conversation throughout the year or to chat about life, I’m all ears. It takes bravery for us to be the persons we want to be. Even if hands or minds may be trembling, choose life and let your heart sing. Do it for the joy, the freedom, and for those to come. Cause there’s only one you and you deserve to be you. And to those celebrating, happy National Coming Out Day!
The above comes from an Oct. 11 release from the LMU Newsroom.
” Some great organizations are The Trevor Project, It Gets Better, my office (LGBTSS, Malone 201F), and in the greater L.A. community The Los Angeles LGBT Center…”
Stuart forgot to mention Courage, the Catholic apostolate for homosexuals wishing to abide by Church teaching; a strange omission, given that LMU is a Catholic school… it is Catholic, isn’t it?
Well let’s see: LMU’s celebration of homosexuality through the director of LGBT Student Services answers to this group’s highest need: to be affirmed and to live happily secure in that lifestyle. Could it be that after the synodal process is over Courage will be out and LMU in? Just wondering.
I have never been to Courage or Encourage but I feel like it likes to keep a low profile.
There are 8 chapters in California; one chapter is in Los Angeles.
You can use their website to get contact information.
“Seen and recognized” HA!
Are you kidding me? That is all that we see, every day and everywhere.
I only see it here or on Youtube.
We live in Sodom. Make no long-term investments.
Paddy, does that make you a Sodomite?
“Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons,” according to St. Paul in the New Testament. Corinthians don’t fare much better.
And, what of those from the isle of Lesbos or San Francisco?
You’re right. Invest in eternity. No place is our eternal home.
Spreading and supporting LGBTQ.
Not reading it.
This man desperately needs a Catholic conversion! And to vigorously promote the excellent Catholic group, “Courage,” for Catholic LGBTs.
Courage is in the closet. I’ve been trying to point this out to this community for years.
What do you mean?
Yes YFC tell us what you mean by “in the closet.” If you have been telling us this for years, either I have missed your posts or I have missed the meaning of what you say. If in the closet is a pejorative term, as if to say those who participate in Courage refuse to deal with their sexuality, please say so explicitly. Like the poster What? , I would like to know.
that’s a variant of Murphy, ain’t it???
I’ve been at Courage and EnCourage gatherings. They are not “in the closet.” Like AA, they are confidential. Unfortunately, some dioceses do not allow them to promote their worthwhile activities.
Unlike AA, NA, OA, and many many other groups, I have never seen a Courage group time and place announced on a website or bulletin. (Of course, I haven’t sampled all of them – so there may be some). They are closeted because they promote secrecy and shame. They are based on AA, which is not really based on catholic principles. And probably most importantly, they work for very very few people, but you don’t know that because secrecy hides its lack of efficacy.
I agree that Courage should be more upfront and in the public eye. But I don’t agree that it lacks efficacy. Anyone who comes forth to confront his or her same sex attraction and wishes to eradicate undesirable acting out the attraction should find helpful support in a Courage setting.
My fellow Catholic, Some dioceses allow Courage to publicize their events in their diocesan newspapers and websites, while others do not. Where they can, a contact name (first only, of course) and contact telephone number is given. One simply calls to find out the date, time and location of the meeting(s). They are not closeted or secret. They are anonymous and confidential.
Have you ever attended a Courage or EnCourage meeting (as I have)?
I know numerous people for whom Courage has “worked.” If they’re so secret, how can you claim to know they lack efficacy?
I’ve also attended AlAnon meetings. While not explicitly based on Catholic principles, is there anything contrary to Catholic faith in 12-step programs?
We even know the Name of the ultimate higher power and have been baptized in His Name and into His life.
If Courage or Eden Invitation or other ministries are helping people live Christian lives, we should support them. There isn’t one solution for all, especially in complex issues of mental health and sexuality.
Sometimes… I’m angry, envious, self-centered, vain glorious, prideful, lustful, petty, lazy, etc. (Thankfully not all at once.) Should I reveal all of those things publicly? None of those things define me or are my identity. By grace, faith and baptism, my identity is a son of the Father. Should we have a “pride” parade or month or celebration for those of us who struggle with anger or envy or self-centeredness? Those things would best be discussed with my spiritual director, confessor, good Catholic counselor or my men’s accountability group. Let’s really love and help our struggling brothers and sisters, not enable them in illness and sin.
Memo to: an ordinary Joe
That was no ordinary comment.
Very well said !!!
Does saying that a person is heterosexual mean that they are having sex?
Can you find any emphasis on chastity, which all are called to, by the LMU LGBT student services or Rev. James Martin?
How many people feel the need to reveal themselves as heterosexual?
Not everything is sexual.
Are you naive and ignorant or disingenuous?
1. Glad my kids did not go to LMU, it used to be a great Catholic college
2. sick of having the gay agenda an issue in every. aspect. of. life. Stop Can i celebrate my heterosexuality w an organization and a flag infront of my house?
3. stop reducing people to their sexuality
Sad to see Loyola openly supporting anti-Catholic goals. Just another CINO.
Why do Gays believe that their lives should be celebrated with applause, acclamation, and rainbow flags in public squares? Why are there the annual Gay public marches, with Gay participants acting as if they are outstanding heroic figures? Why this belief that Gays are all victims, worthy of continuing commendation for their bravery, as promoted by the Gay propaganda throughout our cities? Why do Gays believe that they are just such special, courageous humans, deserving of continuing accolades?
Well, Gay guys, a little Mom caring for two kids in a stroller is more courageous than you, and much more deserving of praise.
And she does not get flags, a yearly citywide parade, and goes unnoticed about her daily work.
Grow up Gays! (Would that Gays will go unnoticed!!)
It’s really a very simple answer. They want you to not only celebrate their sin but to join in as well.
Narcissism in the extreme.
They do not believe it is a sin.
They do not think that they should be ashamed of it.
Many have experienced rudeness, bullying and even family estrangement over it.
It is a relief to not feel the need to hide who they are.
They celebrate PRIDE as opposed to shame.
OK So Mom and Dad learn their child is gay…They needed to know that. But please. Pretty please. I don’t need to hear that, nor do I need to hear all the intimate details of your gay life. So please, no more gay anecdotes. No more “How we poor gays are sooo persecuted.” No more parades, no more naked guys in suspenders running about in public places, no more special accommodations at the library, no more gays in nuns’ outfits, and please take down every gay flag….it’s over. Being gay is no longer a special and unique way of life. Gay lifestyle is boring to the rest of us, who don’t run about calling attention to our own humdrum average life styles.
Why can’t they just do what they want and you do what you want?
Are they blocking your road to work with the parade?
Why can’t they complain? Everybody else does.
I have a religious prohibition against some of what they want to do so I do not participate in it and I pray for the conversion of all sinners.
Honestly, I see more parading of sin from straight people.
Thank you for proving my point. Shame and guilt can be useful emotions that we’ve gotten from God when we’ve err’d in the natural law. We KNOW sodomy is wrong.
Shame and guilt may (emphasized) lead to an amendment of purpose and reconciliation with God to sin no more. Make no mistake. Sodomy is a sin whether they chose to believe it or not.
So you switch the subject. Yes, sodomy is a mortal sin.
At this juncture, simply attending
LMU, should be prima facie evidence
that one is gay.
“Coming out” at LMU is simply redundant.
As a Golden Lion, I have to correct those who say, Oh, you graduated from LMU.
I tell them no, that I graduated from Loyola University.
On October 6, CCD ran the 2022 Lavender Graduation photo from LMU. There were 20 people.
St Ignatius, the Jesuit high school in San Francisco, observed “coming out day” this week, with hundreds of faculty, students and staff signing a banner supporting LGBT-ism. This is celebrated on their Instagram pages, SIwildcats and SIsafespace.
Long, long ago I think Loyola was a Catholic University. But they were so much older then, they’re younger than that now. It was a place for intellectual Catholic study and discourse producing an education for bright young Catholics and inspiration for all.
Now it’s a sandbox full of toddlers yelling for candy while sitting in their own mess.
I’m shocked that a priest would say this.
Are you shocked by the analogy with self-centered two-years olds?
Is it not true?
Because he is a priest, should Fr. John not be honest?
Are you okay with Rev. James Martin not being honest?
I am shocked by the untruthfulness of it.
In my day, this was called everyone being tarred with the same brush and it was something that Catholics were warned against doing because it is a sin against the 8th Commandment.
THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS AGAINST THY NEIGHBOR.
COMMANDS: truthfulness; respect for the good name of others; the observance of secrecy when required.
FORBIDS: lying; injury to the good name of others; slander; talebearing; rash judgment; contemptuous speech and the violation of secrecy.
I question the veracity of some of the statements in the 5th paragraph.
As Catholics we believe that love for God and obedience to God prohibits many behaviors that others have no problem with.
“Everyone should be completely free to be whoever they are” Catholics believe that human nature is fallen and that there are human tendencies that one should fight against-greed, lust, anger, sloth, gluttony, covetousness, envy. We believe that our time in this world is short and that eternity is forever, never-ending and that our behavior here influences in strong ways how our eternity will be.
“Love is never wrong.” True. As Catholics we believe that sex is always wrong except in the Sacramental Union of Matrimony. and it should be not done out of lust but out of chaste love and the main purpose is to make babies but also to strengthen the bond between the husband and wife. Human love should be founded on love for God. We love everyone.
These quotes are not from the article but from philosophies behind coming out and different forms of commitment.
another Loyola Lyin’