The following story was sent to Cal Catholic on Feb. 8.
Kids’ Divorce Stories is brought to you by the Ruth Institute.
Many children and or adults who were raised in divorced homes, have divorce stories they want to tell. Here at Marriage-Ecosystem (a project of the Ruth Institute) we are providing a place for these stories. If you are a child of divorce, post your story here. You can publish anonymously if you want, and also upload up to four pictures or other graphic images. Tell us your painful stories here, and read others’ stories.
Your story will be approved by a moderator, and after you submit it you can choose to be notified by email when it is live on this website.
If you have friends who want to tell their stories, send them here! We want to hear them. Society needs to know how painful divorce is for kids, and how unjust it can be for them.
Divorce is not a freedom or justice enhancing option. It often reduces freedom and justice for those who do not want to participate in it. “No fault divorce” means unilateral divorce. The government takes sides with the person who wants the divorce, even going against the spouse who may want to stay married, and the children who almost certainly want their parents to stay married. It is fundamentally unjust for the government to take sides like this, especially against helpless children who have no say and are not responsible for the breakdown of the marriage.
The best way to fight injustice is to tell stories of those impacted by it. So please, if you have a story to tell about a painful divorce, tell it here. The more stories get told, the better chance we have at eventually creating pressure for divorce reform. The government should not take sides with the least committed partner. Divorce reform can stop this from happening.
It won’t be easy to reform divorce laws, and that’s why people must start talking about all the problems relaxed divorce laws have created.
Children of divorce: tell your story here! If you like this, please sign up for the Ruth Institute newsletter:
We know divorce is painful for kids. If you’re a child of divorce we want to hear your story. You can post anonymously if you want. You can also upload up to four photographs.
What is the title of your divorce story?
Click here to open a box to write your story
Click below to see contributions from other visitors to this page…
Lifelong Grief
My divorce story begins with an image of my father, curled up underneath my baby bed while I slept, whispering a tearful goodbye. Later that night, he …
3rd times a charm
My biological mother and father had only known each other 6 months when they had their shotgun wedding, which my mother was 5 months pregnant at. They …
Too Bad They Didn’t Realize This 40 Years Ago…
My parents divorced when I was 9 years old. I’ve written 2 brief reflections on my experiences and contributed them to this site: https://www.marriage-ecosystem.org/the …
Parental Alienation Syndrome
My Experiences with Parental Alienation Syndrome I still remember standing at the top of a sloping gravel driveway. My sister stood beside me; I was …
The myth of divorce as the way to solve all your problems
My parents divorced when I was 9… …and proceeded to continue to fight with one another for my entire childhood and into my adult life. My own …
Just terrible
So when I was four months old, my mom go diagnosed with CML. My dad kept on going to New York for work. When he was working on a movie he had sex with …
I fear having a family so much that I probably won’t
My parents were allegedly a common law marriage, but the state they lived in didn’t recognize common law marriage at the time, so far as I can tell. They …
Divorce Never Ends For Children
Based on my personal experience, and what I’ve observed knowing dozens of people with divorced parents, it is my belief that there is no divorce that does …
Light in the Storm
I remember watching from an upstairs bedroom window my father walking because my mother had tossed him out of the house. He had no where to go. I put my …
The Parents Move On, But the Children Suffer Forever….
I was born in 1967. My parents were on the cutting edge of society then. My mother had become a career woman in 1961, when my brother was an infant. …
2nd class citizen in my own family
I was the eldest child in step family situations on both sides. It was like being a second class citizen in my own family. On my mother’s side, a new child …
Divorce for good reason
My father came home from a deployment and had found me (a toddler) bruised after being abused by my mother. He took me, and left, and ultimately gained …
Missing Father, Missing Time
I was fairly young when my parents divorced, six. It was rough on my brother and I. My dad kidnapped me and brought me to court. He asked me to lie about …
Gifts for them but not me
One time my step dad came home from a trip. We were all excited to see him, and he had some gifts. Two gifts, to be exact. One for my mother. One for …
“The kids will be fine if the adults are happy…”
I am the child of divorce. My parents divorced when I was about three, and I was bounced back and forth between their households my entire childhood. …
No easy solution
My mom needed to divorce my dad. He had been physically abusive for years. Eventually he committed adultery. While my mother felt totally betrayed, there …
The issues are legion
There are too many sufferings in my life to list. Two things I would say are: Divorce and one remarriage ruined every holiday family gathering for me …
Turned Out All Right?
My mom denies how painful the divorce was for my brothers and I. Once we grew up, she openly mocked the statistics demonstrating poorer outcomes for children …
Their divorce nearly killed me
Growing up in suburban Philadelphia, the daughter of two yuppies, it seemed like I had everything. I was pretty sheltered, a shy child by nature and nurture. …
Trying to Outrun the Curse Not rated yet
My parents got divorced as I was entering high school. I generally say it hit my younger brother the hardest. I think that’s just because his reaction …
Dads new baby Not rated yet
When I was younger my biological mother thought she couldn’t get pregnant until she got me. I’m the oldest if a younger sister (2 years ) and my biological …
Great Books on the Subject of Divorce and Children Not rated yet
I became a single parent of a 13 year old son and a ten year old daughter when my wife of 16 years decided to pursue a “new” life 400 miles away from our …
The cascade of generations of divorces Not rated yet
I am the child of multiple generations of multiple divorces. Both of my grandmothers, who were born around 1900, were divorced twice. My mother was divorced …
So it is My Fault Not rated yet
My mother left because she was “not happy.” It was a simple answer, but it changed how I saw myself and everything else consequently. She said she had …
A Living Death Not rated yet
I was born late in 1964. Gen-X leaning late Boomer, I guess. My father had severe mental illness & self-medicating drug & alcohol abuse. From his mid-20s, …
Enemy of Children Not rated yet
First, I never knew my biological father. But the pain from that didn’t come until later. My mom’s husband was there for me from birth until age 8. He …
Lives in ruination. Not rated yet
I was 8yo when I first found out my parents absolutely hated each other. They argued & fought late @ night after they thought we were asleep. Being …
My Family Photo
Makes Me Feel Guilty Not rated yet
I have two photographs of my parents and me. One is a candid shot, in color, taken by my great grandfather right after I was born. My dad is holding me …
What should I call this man? Not rated yet
I distinctly remember when I was 5, trying to figure out what to call the man my mom had married. I knew my dad was supposed to be called dad, but this …
How about great-grandchildren of divorce? Not rated yet
Nobody in my family has divorced for three generations. But my great-grandfather divorced his first wife and married my great-grandmother. His own son, …
Hidden Pain Not rated yet
Life growing up was never easy for me. Maybe it was my sensitive temperament. I was shy, and a bit of a tomboy. Consequently, I was never popular in school. …
This is so sad. Ive got to see a holy family break apart after my friend’s husband started to live a secret life full of lies and unchaste choices. He put his stay at home wife through alot of stress and suffering. My friend remained faithful but he didn’t. Men need to protect their women and children from being volnerable to this. When men forget their calling to love their wives as how our Lord demands it, they put their children and wifes in situations that can be traumatic. Divorce only happens when a spouse chooses to sin. God have mercy and may we keep the sacrement ot marriage in our prayers.
Abeca, yes, this is so sad. But I must say divorce happens for many reasons and it’s usually not a neat tidy answer where one person has sinned. Because of the circles I’m in I know many families with special needs children and the divorce rate is very high in this group. Someone’s ability to cope with whatever life throws at them can overwhelm some really good and holy people. I’m still married but I’ve just seen many situations that, even though I would never condone them, I see how they happened. We do need to pray for marriages and for God’s mercy. And I must say no matter how it happens it’s the kids that always suffer the most. I’m sure you agree, we have to pray for them too. I’m grateful to all of them for being willing to share their stories here. I hope they find peace.
Yes Carol i agree with you. Poor kids. Its definitely heart breaking.
Carol sometimes people like to generalize situation, as if it was as easy as stating that it takes two but not so always. My dad was Arabic and my mom is Hispanic. My dad adopted me because my biological father abandoned us when we were young. I never met my real bio-dad. So praise God my Arabic dad adopted me. Well in the Arabic family, an extended family member from one of the cousins side, they came to this country long ago to raise their children, one of their boys got into heavy drug issues. Well long story short, it seems like they spoiled their men, even when they misbehaved. The parents thought that if they would marry him off to a nice girl that he would give up his drug problems. Wrong They had an arranged marriage. The poor lady was innocent, didn’t know what she was marrying into. Today they are separated because of his drug use issues that has put that poor woman through so much. Her kids too had to endure much.
God, is it because you decided to place the burden on women to feel the pain of carrying children in their bodies, while men just take off without any accountability ?
jenny don’t be silly. Women take off these days leaving husbands and children as well as do men.
Both men and women are guilty of extramarital affairs.
Some women don’t even know who the biological father of their children is.
Both men and women are not considerate of their spouse, and do not help them get to Heaven.
Although the teachings of Christ and His Church have not changed,
many Diocese Bishop and Priests quit teaching about fidelity in marriage,
and the sins of pornography, adultery, fornication, masturbation, and homosexual acts about 50 years ago.
When was the last time anyone has heard a homily on any of these from the pulpit ?
And when was the last time your Bishop or Parish Priest encouraged everyone to read a Catholic Bible and the CCC at home ?
Jenny is correct. From what ive seen its been the men. Happens often.
Eva you are right too. From my observations, seeing good families destroyed by addicts and such. I feel that men are given much excuses. They are not reminded often on how they hurt their family when they choose sin. One of my cousins, who is Orthodox, they had several businesses, she worked 7 days a week trying to grow their businesses, she took care of her kids and cooked and did all the house work too, no maid. While she worked like a slave, her husband had gambling problems and what else he secretly hid from his family. He would gamble $10,000 even in one night. Eventually his gambling was so bad that they lost their gas station, their flower ship etc. Then their home. She lost lots of weight, the church didn’t help her either because she was a woman, she had to endure, while they felt sorry for her husbands addictions issues. Well she finally separated, because they honor the church teachings on divorce, they do not divorce She was homeless but is now living in one of her brothers rental property. Her husband keeps telling her that she is sinning by not living with him. Sometimes she cries herself to sleep. Her children also endured a lot of things because of their dad’s sins. It broke our hearts. We try to give her much support.
Abeca, you have an OBLIGATION to provide the appropriate paragraphs of the CCC to your cousin. She is not sinning by not living with her husband under those circumstances.
Your cousin has a right to the true teachings of the Church, not hearsay or other people’s personal opinions.
CCC: ” 1649 Yet there are some situations in which living together becomes practically impossible for a variety of reasons.
In such cases the Church permits the physical separation of the couple and their living apart.
The spouses do not cease to be husband and wife before God and so are not free to contract a new union. In this difficult situation, the best solution would be, if possible, reconciliation.
The Christian community is called to help these persons live out their situation in a Christian manner and in fidelity to their marriage bond which remains indissoluble.”
CCC: ” 2383 The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law.
If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.”
Also see CCC – #1648 – 1651.
Your cousin is certainly free to receive ALL the SACRAMENTS.
She also must insure that her husband pay child support and alimony in the formula prescribed by law in the State in which she resides.
This can also include garnishment of wages if necessary.
Thank you Dottie. Will do. God bless you for your charity.
What everyone fails to understand is that authentic love is giving. Whenever we fail to give but seek only “what’s in it for me?”, there will be strife. 47 yrs ago, two youngsters who “fell” in love were standing in front of a judge within 3 months after finding out a baby was on the way. Thank God for my mother-in-law who finally encouraged us to bless our union at the altar of Our Lord. The Sacrament of Marriage, we believe, is why we are still married today! Whenever strife arises because of selfishness, God reins His loving grace upon us and makes all things possible…..when, believe me, all things seemed impossible! Today, we often look back and marvel that we made it through all the very hard times in our lives and we thank God for His guidance and love. Each day that we “choose” to conform to God’s love, to try harder, make amends and give to each other, is another day that brings heaven on earth!
CCC: ” 1649 Yet there are some situations in which living together becomes practically impossible for a variety of reasons.
In such cases the Church permits the physical separation of the couple and their living apart.
The spouses do not cease to be husband and wife before God and so are not free to contract a new union. In this difficult situation, the best solution would be, if possible, reconciliation.
The Christian community is called to help these persons live out their situation in a Christian manner and in fidelity to their marriage bond which remains indissoluble. ”
CCC: ” 1650 Today there are numerous Catholics in many countries who have recourse to civil divorce and contract new civil unions.
In fidelity to the words of Jesus Christ – “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” the Church maintains that a new union cannot be recognized as valid, if the first marriage was.
If the divorced are remarried civilly, they find themselves in a situation that objectively contravenes God’s law.
Consequently, they cannot receive Eucharistic communion as long as this situation persists.
For the same reason, they cannot exercise certain ecclesial responsibilities. Reconciliation through the sacrament of Penance can be granted ONLY to those who have REPENTED for having violated the sign of the covenant and of fidelity to Christ, and who are committed to living in COMPLETE CONTINENCE.”
The divorced who believe that their first marriage may not have been a Sacrament (valid),
immediately go to your own Diocese office of the Tribunal for information and forms for an Annulment.
(We must always be truthful since Jesus will be our judge at our death. And He can not be fooled.)
I went on the linked Ruth Institute for the personal stories.
It is very sad that these young and not so young adult posters
do not take full responsibility for their OWN adult lives and their OWN adult actions
and continue to blame their parents rather than themselves for what is NOW happening in their OWN adult lives.
Many of the responders to the posters sound like whining enablers
rather than encouraging people to stand on their own two feet.
It must be a sign of the times. :(
No one willing to take responsibility for their own actions.
I’m from a divorced family, and my parents NEVER bad-mouthed each other in front of us kids; always told us that both of them loved us very much, and that the divorce was their fault not ours; and we see our parents frequently who are a part of their grandchildren’s lives.
Everyone loves each other and gets along, and has forgiven everyone else.
True forgiveness heals.
A lasting blame game is destructive.
Remember what Jesus said in the Lord’s prayer: “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us”.
Good comments Allie. Divorce is not a good thing. Sometimes adults just give up so easily or have tried their best even if their other half isn’t. Healing takes time but not everyone is patient. Trust and good communication is key to a good marriage, when either one or both is broken, it usually takes the marriage into a more hurtful path. Like I told a good friend, who is going through a lot with her husband, who is going through midlife crises ( yes men do go through that and some of the nightmare stories you hear, does happen even to good Catholics), that trust can be regained it just takes a lot of patience, humility, love and hard work from both, to get it back, with prayer and perseverance. But they both have to endure some ups and down to regain it. They would have to make it a priority in their marriage life, they would have to fight for it. But there is always something that stands in the middle that stands in the way against that goal of healing. Making it difficult for spouses to heal.
So with that said, lets offer prayers this Sunday for all suffering in their marriage, That Jesus would help heal and restore and rekindle their love that once united them and made them strong. I think that today, there are many outside influences and many pro-divorce influences that come in between spouses, too many temptations that encourage people to reject the graces needed to save their marriage. There needs to be more free resources and support to help spouses save their marriage.