Mary Rose, author of Inquiring Minds interviews of college students on California Catholic Daily, grills Father Joseph Illo, pastor of Star of the Sea church in San Francisco on his most recent blog post titled “The Sad Checkout Girl,” dated November 6, 2023.
Watch 14-minute recording of this first one of the podcasts.
“The Sad Checkout Girl”
This morning, after Mass for the Adoration Sisters at their Haight-Asbury convent, I had $30 cash in my pocket and a sore feeling in my sinuses. So on the way home I stopped at the Whole Foods in the heart of San Francisco’s hippie district.
I picked up a bright bag of organic lemons and went to the checkout. “Good morning!” I greeted the lonely checkout girl. She didn’t look up but mumbled “hello.” Some employees at woke stores are angry, but most are just sad. This 20-something, overweight, slumped and vacant-eyed person was just sad. “Would you like a bag?” she whimpered. I tried to infuse some energy into our conversation: “No, but thank you!” She didn’t respond, but just waited for my payment. “How much is it?” I asked brightly. She dumbly gestured to the credit-card reader, which I had to swivel around to see (I surmise most customers at Whole Foods don’t need to know how much things cost).
I handed her a twenty and she asked plaintively if I wanted a receipt. I thanked her, but what I didn’t say was “God bless you.” And I’m so sorry I didn’t. What this sad daughter of God needed was not my money but my blessing, a kind word, someone’s witness that there is a God and He loves us all.
It’s easy to dismiss or, worse, to despise the “losers” in our culture’s race to happiness. San Francisco abounds with Amazon trucks, usually driven by young people of color being paid the minimum wage. Amazon’s vehicles make this promise, painted on the sides of their trucks: “Caution: contents may cause happiness.” That’s funny, because the drivers don’t look happy. Maybe they can’t afford Amazon products on their Amazon salary. It’s so easy for these “losers” to remain invisible, a brief irritation to us who like to imagine that we are overcoming inequality.
Yesterday I walked around the city block of our cathedral church praying the rosary with about 25 people. We walked past the Chinese embassy on the way, a massive fortress-like structure bristling with cameras and armed guards. Yesterday a dozen luxury limos were lined up outside. As we ambled by saying our prayers, several of the limo drivers smiled at us—most were Latinos and some were Asians, but I would guess that all were wage slaves of a capitalist system that pretends to be socialist. I glanced into their faces and felt, rather than the usual antagonism for “the enemy,” a burning love for them. It was a surprising grace of God for an old culture warrior like myself. Certainly the limo drivers are not “the enemy,” and even the rich and powerful Chinese government officials they drive around are not “the enemy.” No one is essentially an “enemy” if God gives us the grace to love every person made in His image.
Back to Whole Foods this morning: the sad checkout girl gave me my change, which was supposed to be 52 cents. But she gave me a dollar coin instead of a quarter, and Whole Foods lost 75 cents because their checkout girls are depressed. It made me think how quickly our economy—both in its narrow financial aspect but also in its broad human dimensions—falters when people are dehumanized. What has this poor checkout girl already suffered to make her so sad? Did her father abandon her, or her boyfriends treat her like a piece of meat, or her educators teach her that her country is evil and that there is no God? Did every social media post tell her that overweight women are trash, and that she was a loser?
She is not a loser. There is a God, and we can see His beauty in every human face, if we apply ourselves. As I get older, and learn better to be a father, I find it more natural to see this goodness in other people. Lots of prayer helps.
Watch 14-minute recording of this first one of the podcasts.
Did he keep the money?
If the dollar coin was in the quarter drawer, some customer lost the 75 cents, not the store. Those dinky dollars were the dumbest idea the US Mint had since the 20 cent piece back in 1875.
I’m floored. Where was this priest raised?
If you see a sad person, you ask if they are OK? Can you do anything to help them?
A preacher who does not say “God bless you.” What?
She gave him too much change and he took it? He took it? What?
When you live in California, everyone is sad. There’s nothing that differentiates the people of our state.
Do forgive him; you say this now, but count every sad person you see in California and you’d run out of fingers in the first ten minutes of walking to your Whole Foods.
What would make them happy?
If it is sad in the Haight, we can fix it the same way we did in 1966. Music, fun, youth, art, parties.
Sex and drugs ain’t worth it.
What has this poor checkout girl already suffered to make her so sad? Did her father abandon her, or her boyfriends treat her like a piece of meat, or her educators teach her that her country is evil and that there is no God? Did every social media post tell her that overweight women are trash, and that she was a loser?
If you had asked, you might know.
Maybe she just asked for the day off and was told no.
Maybe her dog died.
Maybe someone in her family died.
Maybe her girlfriend wants to see other people.
Maybe she wrecked her car.
Maybe he meds wore off.
Maybe the customer before you said something rude.
I see complaints online from WH cashiers saying the customers are really rude there.
If she lost weight and improved her attitude and skills, she could get a better job. We are an opportunity society and an opportunity economy. Generally, you obtain what you strive for and earn in America.
Maybe TikTok dulled her brain. Maybe she ate too much junk food. Maybe she should exercise more. Why assume she’s a victim? Most people make their own beds.
We really should not be talking about someone that we do not even know.
I am so tempted to call the Whole Foods myself and ask about her.
I find this excerpt from the priest’s blog quite immature and banal. Sad, because I thought better of him.
He’s an old, traditional priest, who has been across the world, from what I’ve garnered of him, in spreading the faith, and now God has placed him in San Francisco, one of the unholiest cities in the world, to do the same, reviving a dying parish and trying to do better by showing God’s love to people- even the sad, depressed, secularized teenagers of California.
Fr. Illo is one of the most traditional priests in the American Church, yet when he talks about being nice to people, he’s suddenly “immature and banal”.
What have you done in your spare time?
the pot/kettle .. I’ve done plenty in my spare time. I usually like Fr. Ilo’s blogs, but this one, to me, missed the mark. No need to be uncivil.
Why didn’t Lila Rose speak at NCYC? Why doesn’t she speak at big youth ministry conferences?
I don’t like hearing a respectable priest make immature, unnecessary snap judgments of a poor check-out girl. My dad, if he were alive, would never do that. And he would try to help women in her shoes, in a difficult, stressful, fast-paced, cold city, by saying something like, “oh, I see you mistakenly gave me a dollar coin! Here you go!” And he would return the dollar coin, for the correct change. My dad was a gentleman.
Some people may not realize, that the upcoming holidays can be the most painful and sad time of year, for people mourning the loss of a husband or family member, or for those with no place to go, and are all alone. Also, it can be miserable for those who have had recent shockingly bad medical diagnoses like cancer, for themselves or a beloved family member. A priest who senses that someone is lonely, should talk kindly to her, and invite her to Thanksgiving Mass and possibly a parish Thanksgiving Day free breakfast, right after Mass, which is popular in some parishes.
He may not have realized it until he checked his change days later. Amazing how so many dump on this guy at the same time accusing him of dumping on a cashier (which he isn’t).
That’s true. Good point. However, it was⅔ the attitude — of a priest– that seemed so out-of-place, in his comments.
I will relate a sad but true statistic. Elderly people are usually made up mostly of lots of women, and only a few men. Eighty percent of American men die married, and eighty percent of American women who bury their beloved husbands, die single– and lonely. The median age of widowhood in the U.S. is about age 58. What will a woman do with perhaps 25+ more years of life, after the heartbreaking loss of her dear husband? You never “get over” the loss of a beloved husband, a child, or a loved one. There is no “therapy,” and no “cure.” You just have to accept it, gracefully, by the hand of a God Who does love you, and has a good plan for your life. You accept it, slowly, and grieve, and you take one day at a time. The passing of time, love of family and friends, and prayer, and church and other activities, can help ease the pain. Churches need to be sure to extend their hand to the vulnerable young– and vulnerable elderly, both widows and widowers. Widowers (men) often have even a far worse time, dealing with profound, unbearable grief. The holidays can be very sad and depressing for these people. Many people also get sick, and many die, during the holiday season, due to the cold weather. Churches should always remember to make sure these folks get to church– Masses, religious services, etc. etc., and holiday events– Catholic or Protestant.
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There’s livestreaming of mass for the homebound and the sick.
In writing this comment, I also thought of close elderly family members and friends, whom I try to do all I can for, during the holidays, who have been through some difficult, extremely painful, tragic losses. I think I over-reacted to what the priest said about the check-out girl. I was thinking of the hardships that people might be enduring in life, and how my dad was always sensitive to women struggling in the workforce– often so unkind to women, in his view– whether the job was big and professional, or just a little part-time job. Women taking jobs outside the home, working for callous, roughneck male bosses, with an often- difficult public– usually did that because of a hard life, financial struggles, and their husband probably couldn’t earn enough yet, to meet their family’s needs. That was my compassionate dad’s view. But this case, mentioned in this article, was a totally different situation.
Yes, there are livestreamed Masses. But these lonesome, hurting people need visitors, someone to talk to, to cheer them up. They need some love and comfort. Nice to bring them holiday foods, Christmas cookies, etc., and spend some time with them. Many churches get a church group together, and go Christmas caroling in the neighborhood, and at local nursing homes, hospitals, etc.
But Christmas cookies will make people fat, leading back to the problem.
It is not the Christmas cookies that make people fat but all the stuff you eat with them.
But for the grace of God go I
At the end of the video she asked him what to do with a situation like the sad store clerk.
He said that saying “God bless you” does not always work so well.
In the South, we say “Have a blessed day.”
He also said that he had made a resolution to say “Hello” to one perfect stranger every day.
In the South, we say hello to everybody.. We make eye contact. We say “How you doing?” “Have a good day” or :Love your shirt” or comment on the weather.
It is just superficial small talk but it’s friendly.
When I travel to other areas, I forget that I am not in the South and when I say “Hello” or “How you doing?” a lot of time people seem surprised. Some don’t answer. Some look scared like “Do I know you?”
Yes! Exactly how I grew up, and exactly the way I am used to living. We never even locked our doors. We had a zero crime rate, every year. My predecessors immigrated to the Midwest, and a few to the Southwest, a few also to the South– with the same kind of good values. Sticking with good, mature church people, who live firmly by good values– both Catholics, and friends who are active in other churches– is best. Many people only live here because their jobs happen to be located here. Most are not natives to the area at all. Not a good place at all to settle down and raise a family. People usually look around for places to live (and will then commute to work) with a better quality of life, when they marry and start families.
Oh– of course, I was referring to San Francisco, as being a place that most people are not native to, and only live here due to work. People usually do not want to settle down here.
Father Illo, I hope you will make this right.
Go back to the store, give the manager the 75 cents.
Ask if you can talk to her.
Tell her you are sorry and ask if the 75 cents came out of her pay.
Tell her you were concerned about her because she looked so sad that day.
Next time, do not post online about people.
Never call someone overweight.
He says that his Dad was a Marxist.
People’s thoughts create their realities. Not reality but what they think is real.
I believe the Blessed Sacrament is Jesus Christ. That is a powerful belief.
Someone who believes that people are children of God and worthy of dignity and respect sees the world differently and behaves differently than someone who believes people are basically bad people who are just waiting to hurt you or who believes that people are suckers who are easily taken advantage of.
We see this in the Bishop Strickland situation. Many people see the same thing but interpret it differently. We all see disobedience but some people say he should be disobedient because the people he is disobeying are bad people. Others see him as up to something like starting his own church or increasing his fundraising potential. Some see him as a victim. We all see that the behavior is not the norm. Some people don’t like the norm so they say “Good for him.”
Some Christians see themselves as the servants of others.
Some Christians see themselves as better than others.
And some Christians somehow manage both at the same time. That’s how we got “philanthropy” instead of charity.
Wise thinking, Tom Byrne.
I once told the wife of one of my second cousins that he and I were descended from some of the American Revolutionary War heroes. She then informed me she was a daughter of the Confederacy.
Months later in a discussion I moaned, “It is getting harder to tell the good guys from the bad guys.” She replied, “I think we are all bad,” I answered, “I think you are right.” Then we both laughed.
San Francisco needs a lot of prayers.
And even more police and streetsweepers.
Yes! Safeway is far, far worse! Safeway stores have endured many hostile shoppers and robberies– with even a few homeless robbers who are dopers, who have no bathroom training, no decency at all! Worse than dirty wild animals! Give the mayor a box of adult diapers, and tell her to diaper all her dopers– and present the city as a “clean city!” Safeway has lots of hostile cashiers, too. A very bad, immoral, crude, rude, uncivilized, ignorant, “smash/grab/me/mine,” liberal, “woke” city, with no Christian morality nor decency. You can even see the ignorant, uncivilized, un-arrested robbers, selling their stolen goods on the streets, near the stores they robbed. Disgusting. Go ahead and give it a big horse-laugh, APEC! A “developed country,” a “First World” country, a “showplace” of American culture! Laugh at it! This is NOT the REAL America!
I got caught up in the co-dependency of this.
Why do we feel the need for other people to be happy?
Why do we want to manipulate other’s feelings?
Why do we assume that what makes us happy would make them happy?
I am never happier than when in San Francisco.
I love that city.
You need help. You need someone to talk some sense into you.
San Francisco is a lawless Third World hellhole.
Maybe the checkout girl was just poorly trained in customer service. All too common nowadays.
Self-styled “old culture warrior” Illo seems to view his fellow man through the prism of race and social justice, e.g., “People of color earning minimum wage,” “Latino and Asian limo drivers,” “wage slaves of a capitalist system,” “Get off my lawn!” Oops, scratch that last one.
Buck up, Illo. You’re sounding rather sad yourself.
This is really good.
https://starparish.com/marys-shrine/