I just don’t want to deal with the Catholic Church anymore,” my friend’s husband Jimmy said. “I’m tired of how impossible they are to work with.”
I knew there had to be more to the story, so I asked him if he wouldn’t mind sharing why he felt that way. He explained that he’d volunteered on his parish finance council the year before.
At council meetings, the priest kept complaining about how few ceremonies took place at their large urban parish. “Only 10 weddings last year! Can you believe that?” he railed. His goal was to schedule many more weddings at the church.
James sympathized, until a few months later when his own son got engaged and tried to schedule a wedding at the parish. It turned out to be a harrowing endeavor!
First, the parish told the couple that there was absolutely no way to schedule a wedding over a year in advance. Then after they finally managed to get a date on the books, the parish somehow lost their reservation and claimed they had no record of it three months before the ceremony, leaving the couple frantically scrambling.
As I began asking around, I heard more and more stories like this one.
One friend shared that she could not get a response from her local parish about scheduling her baby’s baptism, even after several emails and calls, so she finally scheduled it at a different church.
Another friend told me that she and her husband had baptized six children at their parish and were very involved and faithful parishioners, but still were made to attend the mandatory baptism class in order to schedule the baptism of their seventh baby.
Speaking for myself, I’ve seen too many examples of similar bureaucratic incompetence. There was the time I tried to organize a “Catholic date night” at a local parish, including a speaker, dinner, dancing, and childcare provided. I didn’t receive a response from that parish for months, and when they finally got back to me offering to host it … the event had already taken place at another church!
Another time, at a different parish, I approached the pastor about starting a women’s faith formation group. He asked to meet with me and proceeded to grill me about my reasons for starting it, thinking that I must be trying to sell some kind of product to the women of the parish! It seemed unthinkable to him that all I was after was to grow in holiness in community with other women at the church where I attend Sunday Mass.
The practice of “holding baptism hostage” is disturbingly widespread. There are similar horror stories regarding Confirmation and even for weddings.
One friend had to schedule her wedding at a church she’d never been to before because her local parish demanded an exorbitant fee for weddings and refused to waive it for her, even though she and her family had faithfully attended and volunteered at that church for many years.
Another friend says that her teen is not confirmed yet because her parish requires so many activities, meetings, classes, retreats and volunteer hours, over a year-long period, that it feels almost impossible to make it happen with their family schedule. While she acknowledges the need for proper preparation, the one-size-fits-all requirements seem overly burdensome and unnecessary.
When Catholics choose excessive bureaucratic procedures over spreading the Gospel, and following the letter of the law over the authentic promptings of the Holy Spirit, it’s hurtful and off-putting to the people in the pews.
It makes it seem as if Catholics don’t even believe what they claim to profess: If we truly believe in the power of the sacraments, why aren’t we bursting with desire to administer them as quickly as we can to those who desire them?
And frankly, perhaps that’s part of the problem, too. Perhaps people have forgotten these teachings and lost sight of the wonder of God’s grace in the sacraments.
Full story at Aleteia.
This certainly is not happening at my parish.
As seminarians and as new priests we were “institutionalized” into the bureaucracy of the church in many of the frustrations mentioned above. As a priest for over 30 years now, I would not operate in that way as I did before. The synod and diocesan bureaucracies impose even more structure and “institutionalization”. An efficient, clear catechesis instead of the diocesan mandated texts would help teens learn the faith for confirmation. They do need to be drawn away from their electronics into more community with the church through some activities. Old rules such as “9 months for marriage”, etc need to be examined. Catechesis for pre baptism are essential these days because people do not have an understanding of the faith even when they believe in the necessity of the sacrament. Couples in our society where divorce, contraception, abortion, and other evils affect the souls of Catholics do require preparation, but a pastor can offer these without overbearing requirements. This is a reflection of a retired priest, so I’ll leave it to the active pastors to effect change.
I am compelled to take issue with the theme of this article. It sweeps generalizations across the board as though all Catholic parish personnel act in unison to block parishioners from receiving the Sacraments. This is just not the case. Pastors often receive requests for the reception of the Sacraments with great doubts about the faith intentions of those who request them. Many seeking the Sacraments often have an emotional reduction of faith. The bureaucracy spoken about here is not to impede the reception of the Sacraments, but to ensure that those seeking the Sacraments understand their spiritual obligations through progressive preparations.
I’ve known rules to be bent when a large check accompanies the request.
Now let’s talk about the parishioner’s shortcomings…..
A long time ago, I noticed a few cases in which a couple prepared for a wedding, or baptism of a baby, or a funeral, expecting their chosen priest to officiate– and then, at the last minute, to be told that Father couldn’t make it, there was a sudden change of plans– so, another priest at the Rectory would be doing the baptism, wedding or funeral. You could easily re-schedule a baptism– but it is too hard to re-schedule a wedding– and impossible to re-schedule a funeral! Very disappointing! In those days, we had tons of priests, everywhere! Sometimes, it seemed as though maybe laypeople and their special religious life events might not be so important, to the Church– and this was hurtful.
The Catholic Church is well known for charging fee-for-service sacraments and faith formation. Protestant churches don’t charge for faith formation, unless it is something special. Catechism classes are always free because that is the mission of the church. The books can be paid for out of regular donations. Priests can get “stipends” for doing a wedding, but there should be no fee for witnessing a sacrament. If perchance they taught good stewardship from the pulpit, the folks would ante up to provide free sacraments. Most parishes have the whole thing wrong.
In San Diego when I was pastor until 2017, there are no stole fees for baptisms. I believe this is in canon law. A stipend of $25 was given by the parish, not by the family, to the priest for a funeral. A stipend of $30 from the parish, not from the couple, was given the priest for a wedding. I offered weddings without any donation to the parish during the regularly scheduled Masses, but asked for a donation for private ceremonies to compensate the sacristan, musician, cantor, maintenance, utilities. Protestants freely give of their wealth to the church in a much greater number than Catholics. They pay a senior pastor, an assistant pastor, a youth pastor, and other pastors because of the generosity of their faithful. I speak only for my own parishes which had many low earning immigrants who donated according to their ability. Such donations do not cover the expenses of the parish for utilities, diocesan tax, employees, and on. Thus a request for a donation for service is done. The diocese of Wichita Kansas is known for such great donations that they do not charge for tuition at their Catholic School! That is an exception
A long time ago, I noticed a few cases in which a couple prepared for a wedding, or baptism of a baby, or a funeral, expecting their chosen priest to officiate– and then, at the last minute, to be told that Father couldn’t make it, there was a sudden change of plans– so, another priest at the Rectory would be doing the baptism, wedding or funeral. You could easily re-schedule a baptism– but it is too hard to re-schedule a wedding– and impossible to re-schedule a funeral! Very disappointing! In those days, we had tons of priests, everywhere! Sometimes, it seemed as though maybe laypeople and their special religious life events might not be so important, to the Church– and this was hurtful.
A long time ago, before the Council, you could get married in the Church if you had only a modest income, and give a large family of kids Catholic schooling, and all their Sacraments– and bury a large number of elderly family members, too. No problem. Things didn’t cost so much. All of that was a MUST! Never a “maybe”… Society was pretty stable, and money for the Catholic Church was plentiful. The parish churches were made up of large Catholic families. There was always room in every family’s budget, rich or poor, for a regular contribution to the Church. If you had a child in need of Baptism or any other Sacraments — or Catholic school, or Saturday Catechism classes– a priest would come right to your door, to talk to you about it. They seemed to notice everything about everyone, in those days, and made sure that everyone did things properly, according to Catholic teaching. That was so important! Priests were given stipends for weddings, funerals, etc., and a couple might give extra money, along with the stipend, to the priest. Altar boys were tipped. Church musicians were well-paid. Things were well-ordered– with lots and lots of pressure, to do things right, according to the Church. A totally different world! The Catholic Church was very, very serious about religion, in those days. Today, things are very shaky!
The Church cannot charge for Masses or Sacraments.
You make a donation because you understand that people are taking time out of their lives to help you with yours.
It is OK to charge to host a reception, of course.
If they are charging you, your diocesan office should be notified.
It is proper if you do not know what is an acceptable donation to ask the parish secretary.
Sometimes there are fees for musicians and altar servers and people like that.
https://www.foryourmarriage.org/how-much-does-it-cost-to-marry-in-the-church/
The Catholic Church does not charge for the Sacrament of Matrimony. That would be the sin of simony.
Not sure about today– but a long time ago, parish churches got lots of stuff for free. Local businesses offered lots of free things, and many bills were taken care of, and lots of work was done, free of charge– donated. This happened a lot! The Catholic Church never seemed to have money problems. We had a different, very cohesive society. People respected the Church.
Until they found out priests were diddling little boys.
Now, that is sadly true. Nobody ever dreamed that such evil as clergy child sex abuse was going on in the Catholic Church.
Does your Diocese have an Office of Faith Formation or something like that?
They should be notified if you have any kind of a problem getting a Sacrament in the Church.
Sometimes people want to use an historical Church or Mission and they can be booked up far in advance.
You needed to give 6 months notice many decades ago so that you had adequate time for reflection and preparation.
However, a girl in trouble could get it a quickly as she needed it.
Long ago, I recall a few cases of shotgun weddings, in which a boy and girl were taken quickly to the Rectory, to see the priest, by upset fathers– and a quiet wedding ceremony was performed– with a pregnant bride. A very different era.
My comment of Nov. 9 at 8:41 pm was edited. I originally placed quotation marks around “shotgun” wedding. I believe that is correct English. Too bad the editors do not look for spelling errors and correct them. That would be a good idea!
I thought it was a misspelling
and had a reference to Japanese culture, “shogun wedding.”
This is what they are talking about when they say we need a more welcoming church. It does not mean LGBTQ and divorced and remarried Catholics. (some will mean that).
Barriers to the sacraments also.
Some of that is bureaucratic process, but some of what you describe comes from plain old incompetence. The Church depends on volunteers for many things and never seems to turn away a volunteer when it should, even if that person couldn’t find his behind with both hands. That drove me crazy when I was young and had time but not money. Now I’m nearing retirement and have money but not time (not wealthy, but the Lord has been good to us) and I volunteer little but contribute financially.
Even in paid positions, the bar doesn’t seem to be set very high. I don’t know if that’s because we can’t afford really good administrative assistants or if really good ones just aren’t interested in parish work. Both? I suspect scheduling is done using whatever tools are free rather than with something good, too.
A lot of that probably comes down to funding, as others have mentioned. I don’t know what it would take to get Catholics to give more, but maybe just ask? I have seldom in my life heard a pastor talk about money from the pulpit.
I remember that in one parish I belonged to, long, long ago, tuition to the parish school was free, IF you showed the Pastor your W2 each January and the records showed that you had tithed in the past year. A tithe was defined as 10% of take-home pay, after taxes and FICA etc.
At a Protestant church with which I am familiar, in an affluent area with high salaries or high pensions, the “giving chart” identified $192 per week as appropriate if your income was $100K per year.
I was on a Catholic parish finance council for many years in an affluent area. We were lucky if we had five people who gave more than $1200 per year.
Catholics aren’t taught about stewardship.