Editor: In response to a comment on the first part of this story, we print as separate story – Testimony of Alana S. Newman Opposition to AB460 on To the California Assembly Committee on Health April, 30 2013
I’m writing to oppose AB460 and am writing on behalf of myself and thousands of donor conceived children urging you to vote no on AB460 . I am a California resident temporarily living in New York and am unable to personally testify, but I humbly request that you accept my personal testimony in writing.
I am the founder of AnonymousUs.org – an online story – collective for donor – conceived people, sperm and egg donors, and surrogates, parents and anyone else affected by third party reproduction. Our tagline is “anonymity in donor – conception hides the truth, but anonymity in story – telling helps reveal it”
I was conceived using an anonymous sperm do nor. Despite all best intentions, and being deeply wanted by my mother, I strongly disagree with the practice, and cannot sit back and neglect to describe the consequences of third party reproduction to a world that is increasingly creating new life this way.
First, can I say that it is extremely difficult to speak up against these issues. I was raised in San Francisco where the mantra is to support family diversity. But the very good intentioned goal of showing respect for different kinds of families is sometimes in direct conflict with children’s rights; the right to have a relationship with and be raised by your own biological parents, to not be sold or trafficked or given away unnecessarily. Every pregnancy that is commissioned by a single person or same -sex couple, is by definition being denied a relationship with at least one of their biological parents, and therefore it is a human rights violation.
Donor – conceived people are finally growing up and starting to organize and take action for our rights . We have successfully banned anonymity and payment for donors in a number of countries such as the UK, Canada, Sweden and Australia. I urge you to do right by children by not extending insurance coverage to pay for this new form of human trafficking.
The facts of my conception are that my father was paid to abandon me. There is no dignity in that. I suffered from debilitating identity issues, mistrust of the opposite sex, hatred and condemnation of the opposite sex, feelings of objectification – like I only exist as a play – toy for others, and feeling like a science experiment.
If people can take away something so precious as a mother or father and make us feel like we should be grateful for the loss, what else can people take away from us? How do you expect the next generation to fight for things like freedom, democracy, clean air, clean water, when something as precious and basic as your mother or father is stolen from you? Removed by the state… Removed by a fertility industry that forces you into existence and then doesn’t return your calls when you grow up and start banging on their doors asking for records… Removed by a commissioning parent, often your other biological parent who vowed to protect and provide for you, but only on the contingency that you show gratitude for your life and don’t ask questions about the other missing parent…
In response to being told I should be grateful for my circumstances, I ask people – would you ask someone conceived through rape or incest why they might criticize the details of their conception? Shouldn’t they too be grateful for life? To me, donor- conception is a euphemism for buying and selling children. Writing the checks and signing the contracts before the child looks human and is out of the womb, is how we cognitively justify the loophole.
In the last 8 years I have submitted DNA tests and connected with a personal investigator to try and find out who this man is; my father. Other donor – conceived people I know have spent decades and hundreds if not thousands of dollars trying to find their genetic parents and half – siblings. We know from history that it is a natural human need to want to know and be known by our genetic family. The open adoption movement is one example. Very recently the Australian government offered an apology to those affected by forced adoption.
One of the United State’s most famous civil rights leaders was Malcolm X. The “X” he used to replace his last name was a direct criticism of slave – owners removing slaves from their spouses, parents and children, and being disconnected from their ancestry and heritage. “Who do you think you are” is a popular TV show where celebrities have their genealogy investigated. Rosie O’Donnell herself expressed a craving to “discover her family as fully fleshed out people and learn about their journeys”. The sheer existence of a term and concept like genealogy demonstrates that it is unfair to minimize and marginalize donor – conceived people’s curiosities about our genetic kin, and dismiss our desire for connection.
Commodification of Life.
I was initially inspired to start participating more in the public debate over donor – conception when I noticed some moms – via – sperm donation asking how they could get refunds for their donor – conceived children who were born with genetic diseases. Yes, refunds. I read testimonials from parents who seemed to be experiencing buyer’s remorse. It appears spending cash on conception corrupts the parent – child relationship.
Last week there was a story that broke of an American surrogate who was offered $10,000 to abort the baby she was carrying for a couple (via husband’s sperm + egg donor) because at the 5 month ultra – sound it was discovered the child had a cosmetically unfortunate cleft palette.
For a documentary I did recently, I carried on a conversation with a gay man who with his partner, had hired a surrogate who is now pregnant with twins. When I asked what they would do if the babies were discovered to have Down’s syndrome, they told me point blank that they would abort. At the time of the interview the surrogate was 4 months pregnant. It reminded me of my pregnancy, and how at 4 months gestation, my mother – in – law put her hand on my abdomen and could clearly feel her granddaughter kicking.
Theresa Erickson is a famous former surrogacy attorney in the United States and was a serial egg donor and now, a convicted felon. Theresa conspired to hire anonymous egg donors, and create embryos with anonymous sperm donors, and implant them into a hired surrogate’s womb, and then once the baby made it to the 2nd trimester, would then sell parental rights to the highest bidder. She created and sold 13 babies this way, for up to $180,000 each.
Having a bloated industry where medical and legal professionals profit from separating children from their biological parents is problematic.
I urge you to reject insurance expansion for singles and same-sex couples that by definition will alienate a child from their mother.
Exactly! beautiful lady. Exactly. Keep on telling it as it is, and no child is responsible for the actions of his/her parents. One man admitted on a liberal radio program to donating his sperm over a hundred times in one area while in college. Can anyone imagine the consequences of many children being born in the same area by one father and not knowing whether they were related as brother and sister when looking for people to marry. It IS child slave trafficking. It most surely is and should be totally outlawed.
One young man called in on that same radio program and told how he worried about picking out a mate because of the fear of marrying his own sister.
Technology has made so much possible — but much of it is not something ethical and moral people SHOULD pursue.
If you really are unable to have children, who not adopt?
There are many children, alive already, who need good, loving parents!
Family is the foundation of society. Our government, by its welfare programs, rewards single parenting – thus destroying the nuclear family. Millions of children hunger to know their biological roots. Scientific research displays the same results, but is ignored. Thank you Alana for sharing the truth with us.
Child of Anonymous Sperm Donor: Right to Know Biological Parents…
It is undeniable that we humans have an innate desire to know from whom we came. Many people who are adopted or have only one parent will tell you that they feel they are missing a piece of a puzzle. Genealogy websites like Ancestry.com exist because o…
And exactly where is the Church in this, as mothers and fathers for the orphans? Oh, I forgot that the bishops are partying out inside their circled wagons.
Who is the recipient of fertility treatments when donors are involved? Whose chances of reproducing are improved by the assistance of medical professionals? Not the infertile woman or the sterile man. Their physical problem cannot be treated or they would not be paying a donor to reproduce for them.
There is something terribly wrong when a woman who is donating her eggs receives a bottle of medicine with another woman’s name on it. That’s because the perscription is for the woman with the medical coverage, the woman who is supposed to be receiving fertility treatment’s but she’s not. Someone else is receiving the medical treatment on her behalf. An uninsured person borrows a friends kaiser card so they can see a specialist for a pain they’re having. It’s like that. So the physician is actually treating the uninsured person and helping them conceive a child with the partner of the woman with the insurance. All that’s going on here is that these doctors are running matchmaking services. The process is the same no matter who keeps and raises the resulting child. The doctor does not care what any of them do once the child is born. A lab tech can’t tell the difference between making an embryo for a woman who does want to raise the resulting child and one who does not.
We need to focus on changing the law to limit medical treatment to the insureds body and cells and reproductive systems.
“In response to being told I should be grateful for my circumstances”
I’ve read people saying “would you rather not exist at all”. That can be said to anyone complaining about anything. You are not taking a stand against conception, your taking a stand against legal loopholes that don’t hold people accountable to and for their own offspring. Who cares what people do with their gametes? Its what they don’t do for the children they’re creating that’s the issue.
I don’t think comparing yourself to the child of a rapist is a fair comparison because both parents wanted to have children together, they just did not want to raise them together and in fact one of them did not want to raise them at all.
The alternative to donor conception is not non existence for you my dear, its parental responsibility for both of them. The rest of the world is filled with parents who are not romantically connected but somehow manage to raise their children together if not under one roof. If you don’t get along with the other parent of your child it does not mean you don’t still have to raise your child; you cooperate in that effort for their benefit – it’s the law for the rest of us, why have we exempted anyone from compliance with those laws?
People act like they are telling you “we had to cut off your leg to save your life”. They did not take away half your rights to save your life. So what if some people won’t ever be born because the law says parents have to behave responsibly? That’s family planning. Lots of people choose not to have children at various times in their lives because they are not prepared to comply with laws that hold them accountable. We don’t have a funeral for those imaginary children. Make sure every person has the same rights at birth.
With respect to slavery, Abraham Lincoln asked the citizens of the United States to apply the golden rule and ask themselves: “Is slavery something I would want for myself?” “Is slavery something I desire for my children?” If not, we, as a people, cannot legislate this horrible burden onto the backs of anyone else.
I view the use of egg and sperm donation through the same lens that Lincoln viewed slavery. Would I want Alana’s life for myself? Would my hand shoot up in the air with an enthusiastic “yes” if President Obama asked: “Who here would like NOT to know their biological father? Who here would like NOT to know their biological mother? Who here would like Congress, or your state governments, to legislate into law an un-liftable veil over your genealogy, your medical history, and the reality that you may have brothers and sisters that you will never meet? And finally who here would like to know that you were the end result of a commercial transaction, where $8k (the monetary compensation advertised in the February 13, 2013 edition, pg. 11, of the Fordham Ram for anonymous egg donations) meant more to either your mother, your father, or both than meeting you, loving you, and watching you grow? I would recoil at such a question! No – my hand would not shoot up in the air and I would not be shouting: “I do! I do! I want that life!”