The following comes from a May 20 Catholic News Agency article:
Leah Fessler considers herself a feminist.
And the standard feminist narrative is that women can have, and indeed enjoy, casual sex without consequences – physical, emotional, or otherwise.
But when her experience with hookup culture (and that of her friends’) in college failed to live up to its empowering promises and left her emotionally empty, Fessler decided to look a little deeper.
In an article written for Quartz, Fessler explains her quest to examine what it was about the prominent hookup culture, and the ill-defined, non-committal “pseudo-relationships,” at her Middlebury college campus that were making her miserable.
“Far more frequent, however, were pseudo-relationships, the mutant children of meaningless sex and loving partnerships. Two students consistently hook up with one another – and typically, only each other – for weeks, months, even years,” Fessler wrote.
“Yet per unspoken social code, neither party is permitted emotional involvement, commitment, or vulnerability. To call them exclusive would be ‘clingy,’ or even ‘crazy.’”
These pseudo-relationships would typically follow the same cycle, she notes. She’d meet a guy she was interested in, they’d start texting, meet up in their dorms late at night to discuss their mutual interests and hobbies and families, and have sex. This would happen off and on over the course of a few months with the same guy, then the relationship of sorts would just fizzle and die. Wash, rinse repeat with the next. Fessler wrote that she experienced this with at least five men by her senior year.
She felt used and desperate for emotional intimacy. At the same time, she felt bad for being unable to reconcile the fact that she couldn’t achieve the carefree, empowering feeling that her feminists beliefs told her was possible.
Fessler decided to devote her senior thesis to this phenomenon that was taking its toll on herself and so many of her friends, who for all other intents and purposes were successful, involved, well-rounded students.
Fessler interviewed 75 male and female students and conducted more than 300 online surveys. She found that 100 percent of female interviewees and three-quarters of female survey respondents stated a clear preference for committed relationships. Only 8 percent of about 25 female respondents, who said they were in pseudo-relationships, reported being “happy” with their situation.
“The women I interviewed were eager to build connections, intimacy and trust with their sexual partners. Instead, almost all of them found themselves going along with hookups that induced overwhelming self-doubt, emotional instability and loneliness,” she wrote.
The male responses were just as complex, she adds. Most men interviewed and surveyed also preferred a committed relationship, but felt pressured to have casual sex with numerous beautiful women in order to discuss these “escapades” with their friends and boost their status in a culture where hookups are the norm.
Perhaps it’s time that casual sex ceases to be the progressive norm, and that women recognize the connection between their need for an emotionally fulfilling relationship and their sex lives, Fessler notes.
“The truth is that, for many women, there’s nothing liberating about emotionless, non-committal sex. The young women I spoke with were taking part in hookup culture because they thought that was what guys wanted, or because they hoped a casual encounter would be a stepping stone to commitment.”
“In doing this, we actually deny ourselves agency and bolster male dominance, all while convincing ourselves we’re acting like progressive feminists. But engaging in hookup culture while wholeheartedly craving love and stability was perhaps the least feminist action I, and hundreds of my peers, could take.”
Daniel Defoe describes something like this centuries ago in “Moll Flanders”. This is an old as well as a new problem.
A good, traditional, classical education, even in a secular school– is also supposed to be an education in good manners, good character, and good Christian Morals! Our schools in America, have completely sold the souls of American students to the Devil, since the filthy 1960’s!!
A country that totally undermines good moral character of its citizens, is a great danger to all its people, and a threat to the world! The college students in this article, graduated from college far worse, than when they entered– they were introduced to the sinful, dangerous, diabolic “hook-up” (prostitution-type) fad on the college campus, and as a result, their souls were destroyed by sin! America needs to get rid of the filthy “hippie-liberal” immoral Academia, with all of their LIES AND FILTH– and replace this, with truly good schools!
Young women seem completely lost, to the extent that they engage in sex without much thought. First they need Faith, then finding a young man with whom they share beliefs and thoughts of the future. Finally, within a morally approved structure — marriage — the young woman and man marry. Their love, if and when blessed by God, results in children.
Today, this sounds like a fairy tale. But, this is the order of things that leads to happiness. Sex without consequence is a lie, put forth by a happy Satan, who is certainly having his day in America with women.
As far as commitments go among gay women, I’m reminded of the joke: Q: What does a lesbian bring on the second date? A: A U-Haul.
I tried to submit a post previously, but I guess the computer failed! Well– it is such a shame, the “Devil’s LIES” of the filthy, immoral “hippie-liberals,” and Godless, pagan “feminists!” They are hopelessly LOST and BETRAYED, by Satan! NEVER believe the Devil, who will always come in attractive disguises, and promise you false happiness, power, money, and freedom to magically do as you want, like a baby with all the life-destroying candy he wants– with “no consequences” (BIG LIE!!), for serious sins!! “Free trip to Las Vegas,” right? And the next morning, the poor sinner wakes up almost DEAD, from the horrific “joyride,” enslaved to the filthy power of the Evil One!
I always loved the romantic love stories, of my grandparents’ era. My maternal grandma went once, at age 18, to visit one of her married sisters, who was living in America. They all decided to go to a country dance, on a Saturday night. At that time, everyone in the family would go to the dances– even children! (No babysitters!) An orchestra would play romantic songs. Many of the people were immigrants. On this occasion, my grandma was asked to dance by a handsome young man, and they fell madly in love! English was a second language, for both. They had a romantic courtship, and then married! Reminds me of Cinderella, going to the ball, and magically meeting her handsome Prince!
I will add a last thought. It is not good for a country like America, to have a segregated age-group, for young people! The current “teen ghetto” of kids, which really began as a marketing gimmick of crude rock and roll “music” and adolescent fads, in the booming, post-war 1950’s era, is highly destructive and immoral! Young people should be well-integrated into American society, and included in all activities, “family-style” — just as in other cultures. This would provide far better happiness, stability, health, and eventual better maturation and success in life, for all American young people!
P.S. Although it is true that women for centuries have endured mistreatment globally– still, in many cultures, women have also been very strong, confident, and empowered, as loving wives and mothers, and beloved family “matriarchs!” With strong moral backbones, and deep religious faith, the bulwark and guardians of an excellent Nation! Many modern “feminists” fail to understand the beautiful, God-given role of WOMANHOOD, and the natural happiness, health, fulfillment, and empowerment, that comes with a good role as a beloved wife, mother, and homemaker! A “feminist” who feels like a “VICTIM,” or a “MISFIT”– will NEVER be empowered or fulfilled!
Linda Maria ~ I agree with you that multi generational meeting places are important. I was blessed to spend some time in a small Irish town where every one went for a pint (or a glass for the ladies) after work or Church. It builds community and reinforces God’s messege that we are all one family of His children.
C&H — thanks for your comment! I think the traditional lifestyle of the family as the center of a Nation, with all age groups fully integrated into a multigenerational daily way of life, is very good for everyone! Plus, when a family member is having problems of any kind– the family can stick together, and help everyone! Also,”the family that prays together, stays together,” as Fr. Patrick Peyton (the Rosary Priest) used to say! The destructive “youth ghetto” ought to be ended, and America should adopt the older, traditional, multigenerational culture– no more young, misguided, “lone wolves,” getting into trouble, their lives ruined!
No mention of the pervasive endemic MISANDRY (Hatred of Men & Boys, Masculinity & Normal Heterosexuality) that characterizes what passes for Adadementia, and yet there are few factors more prevalent in gender relationships on campus. Was the subject avoided on purpose?