The following comes from a June 15 story on the Catholic News Agency website.
Noting the sharply increasing costs of weddings, marriage advocates have begun to urge couples to be less extravagant in their nuptial celebrations for the good of their relationships.
“We ran a survey early this year with a law firm that looked at reasons for not marrying, and the top reason for men was the cost of the wedding,” said Harry Benson, an official with the U.K.-based think tank The Marriage Foundation.
Benson said that the average price for the event in the United Kingdom is around $30,000, according to wedding magazines. Such expenses, he told CNA in a June 13 interview, are “definitely a barrier” to getting married.
“I think the celebrities have set the bar very, very high with all these hyped-up, high profile, highly photographed weddings, very extravagant events.” When couples want the “big, dream wedding,” he added, “often it’s very unrealistic….”
Melissa Naasko, a Michigan-based wife, mother, and blogger at Dyno-mom, agrees. “If I was going to give a bride advice, it would be to focus more on the marriage and less on the wedding,” she told CNA June 12.
Naasko advocates celebrations that won’t break the budget and put burdensome financial stress on the married couple. She recalled planning the wedding of one of her friends a year ago, helping keep the cost reasonable.
When her friend got engaged, the first piece of advice she gave her was “never ever, ever buy a bridal magazine…because they’re all geared just to sell stuff.”
“Anytime you pick up a bridal magazine, they’re at least 60 percent ads. You’ll look and see that all the articles in it are sponsored articles.”
Avoiding wedding magazines – and shows such as “Say Yes to the Dress” – helps brides to “pay attention more to what their friends and their family are saying, and it becomes more about the people and less about the stuff.”
“There’s nothing wrong with having smaller weddings,” Naasko urged. “And the marriage obviously is the most important part of a wedding….”
Catholic commentator Matt Archbold added to the discussion in a blog post for the National Catholic Register May 19, noting that “big weddings…might just be causing heartbreak, damaging society, and hurting people’s faith….”
Another factor that can put stress on couples is the societal pressure put on a fiancé to spend, on average, two months of his salary – $3500 to $5000 – purchasing an engagement ring for his beloved.
The two-month figure was first promoted decades ago by advertisers from the De Beers diamond and mining business, according to Business Insider writer Robin Dhar.
De Beers has effectively held a monopoly on the global diamond market for some 100 years….
Adding to the financial strain of many couples in the U.S. is student loan debt. A survey published May 9 for the American Institute of CPAs showed that 15 percent of student loan borrowers have postponed getting married because of debt incurred from going to university.
Student loan debt in 2012 averaged nearly $25,000, a figure 70 percent greater than in 2004…
To read the entire story, click here.
Diamonds are a girls best friend…along with a placed tattoo…or a bulldog, even a motorcycle!
No, Christ is a girls best friend.
Janine how shallow….
My mom and dad were married in the priest’s sanctuary. My father was not then a Catholic but in the Navy. My mother borrowed her sister’s wedding gown. There was no wedding ring until years later. THEIR MARRIAGE LASTED UNTIL DEATH DID THEM PART, just like it is supposed to be. I still remember the day my father drove in to the driveway and announced to our great joy and surprise, that he was now a Catholic. I have in previous post told how my mother tried to self abort, but God had other plans and she although successful with my big brother was not with my big sister, and it is that sister who asked my dad to become Catholic when he asked her, then a woman Marine, what she wanted for her birthday which he happily complied with.
A wedding is a Sacrament, not a Wall Street celebration!
God bless, yours in Their Hearts,
Kenneth M. Fisher
My wedding ring was a borrowed one, too, until my husband was able to buy me one. I have the same diamonds now in a different setting as the prongs on the older one wore out.
Wonderful story Mr. Fisher…God bless you.
Janine, a Christian’s body is considered a Temple of the Holy Spirit. Why would anyone put graffiti on a temple to desecrate it? As a person gets older they fade and are very ugly. In reality they are ugly even on young people, sad to say. Tattooing is from paganism. Jewish people and most Christians do not tattoo their bodies. It is from Leviticus 9:28 which says, “You shall not make any cuttings in your flesh, for the dead; neither shall you make in yourselves any figures or marks. I am the Lord”. Modern editions of the Bible use the word tattoo. Small tattoos (tiny dots) for medical reasons such as radiation treatment, and the small tattooed crosses used by Coptic Christians on the wrist or hand to identify their children if they are kidnapped by Muslims are the only two reasons I can think that justify the use of tattooes for Christians. As one friend of mine said, though, if one puts a cross on a child’s wrist or forehead, the Muslims are apt to treat him or her worse. Quite often they put them on the forehead which I think is too conspicuous, though they have the right to identify their children.
What I am saying is if you are not already tatooed, don’t do it. Most likely you are going to regret it later even if you are do not think so now.
It is still a teaching of the real Catholic Church that unnecessary marking of the Temple of the Holy Spirit, ones body, is a mortal sin. Of course there really is very little that can be called mortal sin in the Church of Nice. Oh I forgot, admonishing the sinner is a real serious sin in the Church of Nice!
God bless, yours in Their Hearts,
Kenneth M. Fisher
Here in the Archdiocese of San Francisco, we have so many Filipino couples who are only civilly married (waiting to get enough MONEY for a big ceremony), the Archbishop and many pastors are putting together group ceremonies, sort of like Confirmation, so people can have a sacramental wedding, in community, and not have to pay a thing!
Fornicating while waiting for a BIG CEREMONY is a mortal sin, and the Bishops and Priests should tell this to the Filipino’s you mentioned.
Civil Marriage for Catholics is fornication.
If you truly love your partner you will help him or her to get to Heaven,
not to Hell.
Pat yes I always wish the priests would mention those important facts.
When someone truly wants to be with another for life, they will get married.
If people can afford fornication (by living together) they can afford marriage.
Everything else is looking for an excuse.
Bishops and Priests and Parents and Grandparents must all proclaim the evil of fornication when students start high school.
Kids these days all know what fornication is by age 14 due to TV, movies, internet, etc.
Oh, for crying out loud, have a small simple church wedding like my husband and I did and end up married for over fifty years. Actually, I would have been satisfied with just a priest and two witnesses there in the church and no one else, but our friends and family thought differently. Expensive weddings create stress on the couple, especially if they have to pay for most of it like now days.
I love diamonds…along with with my new surfboard…we girl’s in Cali surf!
Janine I use to surf too but I disagree with using the word love for material stuff….I LOVE JESUS. Diamonds nah….I am simple not much of a jewelry person, yes dainty pink and feminine I enjoy but not all full of jewelry, sometimes I wear to get all prettied up for my hubby and to set a good example for my kids because I consider enjoying my femininity is important because I am grateful for the way the Lord has made me. I do like cool surfboards with pink and surf blue colors but I’m a busy mum and that is far greater to me. So I don’t get why you even posted what you posted? Seriously I might have fallen into your trap? Aye caramba
Janine,
If you surf wearing immodest attire (any and all Bikinis), your love of surfing can earn you a premier space in HELL!
Read what Our Blessed Mother said at Fatima on the subject of immodest dress.
God bless, yours in Their Hearts,
Kenneth M. Fisher
Mr Fisher I always objected to Bikinis and my parents did too. They feared that I would be highly influenced to wear a bikini because that is what is popular. But they were lucky that I was shy and more modest about those things. So growing up, I had to be creative whenever I went to the beach, I was probably one of the few who sought out more modest beach attire. One of my good guy friend’s (from my church youth group at that time) told me that it was more attractive when girls covered up more. It was nice to hear that….
After having children, I still try to be more modest…..even when I went with my kids to our local water park one year, I created my own bathing suit with a modest skort (its a skirt with shorts under and it was knee length and top (yes I stood out for that, but oh well) and that was about 5 years ago or so. My daughter wore shorts over her bathing suit with a tee shirt. I always say we conservatives can still enjoy water sports and water theme parks too, just more modestly. Where there is a will, there is a way. : ) Whew…. I have always dreamed of creating my own modest bathing suit line with something that may appeal to our youth today but I am not wealthy to do that but I do have some neat ideas. : )
I am so grateful that my parents did not put any emphasis on having fancy parties. I was Baptized per tradition the first Sunday after I was born. I don’t believe that there was a party following. For my First Communion, I and another male friend who also made his First Communion along with our families shared fast food hamburgers (a first time treat) to celebrate. After my Confirmation I had lunch with my mother and my Sponsor at a restaurant (another rarity). Needless to say it is the celebration of the Sacraments themselves which are foremost in my memory. Anyway, I would say that most young people today had big parties for many of their birthdays not to mention all of their sacraments, thus it doesn’t surprise me then that so many of them would delay Marriage until they have the money for a big party. After all isn’t it the party that is important?
In Biblical times they had big wedding parties…it was a tradition….I don’t see any harm in it as long as it doesn’t break banks. In actuality even In Mexico, it’s about the sacrament and many people join in the celebration by contributing. You have someone who is in charge of baking the cake or buying it, you have someone who helps with the food, someone who helps make the decorations from home and it is yummy food that many gather together to cook, it unites families and neighbors etc.
This ways it doesn’t cost a lot for the newlyweds and the their parents, what it does it helps them get started, and the gifts are to help them gather what they need. I know in the USA many of those wonderful traditions are lost due to their being diversity in upbringings or many do not have a strong family community that unite and help or many come from small families etc. So most pay for expensive wedding planners etc…which takes away from the real beauty of what it is actually suppose to be. Also there is a lost of humility because brides compete on who has the best wedding, which is foolish if you ask me. I think we need to be humble and be wise and make do with what we have and if one is blessed with a big family with cousins and siblings who don’t mind helping take part in helping, then enjoy…..and be grateful.
Abeca Christian, that is basically how our wedding turned out with those who wanted a slightly larger wedding pitching in and helping out by cooking, etc. I have also cooked for baptisms, funerals and other family events. When I go to a funeral, I always ask the hosts of the reception what I can cook or bring.
Even if it is only a store bought cake or cookies.
My oldest daughter was a flower girl in one family wedding, and I made her dress to match the bridal gown. It was beautiful but a brocade with a simple style that was easy to match. There is no end to what people can do to make a wedding successful and inexpensive when they put their heads together and use their varied talents.
Yes I agree. Glad you were blessed that way.
I gather too that many here have forgotten how it was to be in their 20’s and have dreams of having a special wedding. I found that some brides had special talents because they made their own wedding invitations and decorations. Which is becoming more popular today. It was fun being part of helping them put them together. I enjoyed using my glue guns to make decorations for my kids baptisms. I got creative. I still have them, they are special to me and will pass on to my kids when they get older, if possible.
I am a bachelor; however I was Best Man at my buddies wedding at which we wore suits from our pantries, the reception was held in the backyard of I think the brides home. Oh yeah, the lImousine was my car and it was not a brand new one!
As his bachelor party, I took my buddy on a retreat. He still thanks me for that.
Their marriage has weathered many a hardship but they are still happily married.
We could say the same things about Quincineras that cost a fortune, why? If I were a priest, I would forbid expensive Quincineras!
God bless, yours in Their Hearts,
Kenneth M. Fisher
Mr Fisher it’s those humble beginnings in a young couples road to marriage that make it memorable. : ) God bless you for being his best man.
But that does not go without saying that even wealthy folks can still have memorable weddings too, just probably they are able to afford more. : )
I know three people who had weddings that were very expensive. 2 of them were divorced by 2 years into the marriage.
With many of our youth lacking character today, I kinda feel for them because I’m sure many feel pressured to having an expensive wedding.
Wedding dresses are so expensive, it’s like wow. Most of them are kinda immodest too. Whatever happened with our church’s requiring that woman wear modest wedding gowns, now they allow them to show too much or be too tight. It’s pretty sad, so I do feel for many that are just getting married today, they have a lot of pressure to deal with.
We need to be more sympathetic and help guide them to making better choices and decisions. By pointing out the importance of the sacrament and that everything else is secondary or last. Couples today need our encouragement and guidance to seeing things outside out of the norm today and to embrace in humility their reality.
Our parish priests and their personnel can help guide them better. We can judge and nit pick but remember that all this secular world feeds the hungry is self gratification and vanity….it lacks much virtue. Criticizing does not help when they do not know any better. But it seems today that many are at fault and are by products of how this society has made into norm….its time to make a difference and share the truth….
When my sisters were married, the priests were real priests, and they warned my sisters not to come to the wedding in a low cut wedding gown. HOW CAN GOD BE EXPECTED TO BLESS A WEDDING AT WHICH THE BRIDE AND BRIDES MAIDS ARE DRESSED IN THE VERY FASHIONS HIS HOLY MOTHER WARNED US ABOUT AT FATIMA? By the way, the Church guidelines for womens attire actually forbid having a neckline lower than two fingers below the neckline!
God bless, yours in Their Hearts,
Kenneth M. Fisher
Mr. Fisher I am surprised to hear that there are church guidelines today, then it must not be enforced or taught or shown to many couples today. I wish they would have a class on why it is important to have modesty. Teaching them the benefits will only increase a more virtuous marriage. That is why I feel for our youth today, much is lacking to helping them combat the ways of this world.
This society is truly wicked, they push women to wear less but men are still well covered…..wish the expectations for women to dress more modestly was high up in the priority.
The cost of “weddings” today is obscene, since a lot of couples don’t stay married longer than 30 seconds before they look for a new partner. When I got married some 50 + years ago I made my own gown, my sister’s maid of honor gown and my mother’s dress. We got married in (ready for this?) a church! And yes, we are still married.
This can still be done today. There are NO EXCUSES for fornication, which includes living together outside of a Church/Sacramental wedding.
When we die and are judged by Jesus, our fancy clothing or fancy jewelry or the number of guests we an afford to invite for dinner will not get us into Heaven.
There is beauty in simplicity.
I bought my wife a spectacular “padparadscha” for her wedding ring…magnificent stone, mined in Sri Lanka…fashioned as a jewel at Harry Winston.
Adamantine, it is better you spent it on your bride than on a huge wedding if you could not afford that too. Also, it is better that you spend it on a nice house in which to live. You seem to be of East Indian descent, and I know the ladies from East India do like fine jewelry. Just do not spend to excess. It will only get you into trouble trying to keep up with the “Jones, Garcias, Nguyens and those with common East Indian names”. (Lots of laughs.)
I was born in Salisbury Rhodesia…am a British Subject and loyal to the Queen…I am devoutly Roman Catholic.
Well if you can afford it, i don’t see any harm in that either : ) God bless you Adamantine
Thank you for the reply, Adamantine. God bless you.
So they consider marriage an event rather than a vocation. No wonder so many divorce these days. It isn’t playing in a Super Bowl, and should not be treated as such. It reminds me of “Natural Childbirth” advocates who will spend many hours on techniques and no time at all on what to do when you
have an infant to raise to adulthood. Marriage and parenthood are not for the unprepared, and certainly not for sissies. It gets tough at times.
Ted that is because that is how it is conveyed to this generation. It is treated as an event even in churches unfortunately.
Some of us know better but those who don’t have the resources to be taught what is right and good. When the normal is to allow :
1. Hollyweed to convey the wrong message,
2. when our church lacks resources to treat as a vocation,
3. when people mock marriage and promote premarital sex,
4. when “gay marriage” is being considered and already accepted,
5. when families can’t support themselves and to raise their families morally, etc etc the list goes on.
6. when chastity is not being taught properly
7. when temperance is not taught nor chastity encouraged
8. when our priests are not looked up upon anymore to lead their flock, the priesthood is constantly being attacked and scandals have made the priesthood to be distrusted (yes there is a connection to that too) etc etc
and more…….I do feel for our youth today. These are trying times. I pray for our Lord’s compassion and graces upon all.
Come thing of it, I still remember my mother at her Singer Sewing Machine sewing my sisters’ wedding gowns, and she loved it and they were beautiful, she did the same for their proms!
God bless, yours in Their Hearts,
Kenneth M. Fisher
Abeca,
You call it “Hollyweed”, I call it “Hell-i-wood”!
Mr Fisher yes I agree that is another good one to call it. LOL
Mr. Fisher I think that with many women working today, many do not know how to sew. : ) I hand sew (only to sew buttons and fix my husbands pants etc, only that) but don’t know how to use a sewing machine, would safe me more time if I knew how to use one, tee hee. When I home schooled my eldest, I had her take a short sewing class…she made a cute quilt. We tried encouraging her sewing so we tried buying her a sewing machine but she then later lost interest because non of her friends sewed…..what to do…we can’t force them but it’s sure nice to learn those things.
AC –
I too fear for our youth. But we hear the most about the worst, and little that is encouraging. Several of my grandchildren are on the way to being very successful, decent, moral people. They have been taught right from wrong and for the most part live what they were taught.
When schools and pop culture are allowed to take the place of parenting, the problems begin and cultural decay predominates. We need to raise and support good parents. Good behavior and sound decisions are taught in homes, but mostly undermined in schools and pop culture.
Ted
Ted I agree completely with you. I have kids and I find it very painful to be a parent today, let me explain myself, because I am constantly on the defense when I want to support our values but this culture tempts them to think away from our values….it is constantly challenged. This society tempts our children who are so impressionable and still learning. Ted yes I agree, I often don’t feel supported for the high standards I hold for my family. Who knows if that stress is contributing to my ailing heath issues that I facing right now. So now I try to not to put to much on my plate…I have to care for my family and health first, I am no good if I am in pain or dying. But I do offer up often my sufferings but I can tell you that it takes a lot of courage and strength and I am not getting younger. Yes if our values were supported more, then they are re-enforced and that can help our kids today.
All I can do is lean on our Lord…to help ease those anxieties that we are facing today raising a family and the married life too…our husbands need our prayers too because our men are also neglected and much a times their manhood is suppressed.
Thank you Ted for your comments, God bless you and your family as well.
This year Archbishop Corleone has required all the Priests of the Archdiocese of San Francisco to attend two weeks of study on marriage.
They say the Archbishop himself chose the many excellent speakers, and we can only hope that the priests will come away from these two weeks with a clearer, more orthodox understanding of marriage, which they then can pass on to their people.
There is so much confusion out there, even among daily Communicants! Many seem to see nothing wrong with living together, and they get angry when their priest challenges them about this, about contraception, and so forth!
I hope the Church really takes up the banner of raising expectations for marriage while lowering those for the wedding ceremony, not in the sense of expecting less dignity and beauty, quite the contrary, but expecting less outpouring of money or the ever creeping demand for “specialness.” Limos? Sit-down banquets? Why? And then there is the fad of getting married anywhere but in a church…It has to be on a roller coaster, while skydiving, or, for the more pedestrian, a beach in Hawaii. This really plays hob with canon law, of course, and I have no doubt that many a couple that otherwise would have been married by the Church decided it just wasn’t awesome enough, and a bungee-jumping marriage by “Marryin’ Buryin’ Sam” would be far better.
And then there is the sudden upsurge in expectations regarding the moment of engagement, for Pete’s sake. It has to be with a flash mob, on the evening news, from a billboard, a stadium scoreboard, etc, etc., but simply asking for the young lady’s hand just won’t do. Because of the yen to make the moment of engagement so super special, I know at least one young couple that is discussing all the particulars of how their lives will be after they are married, yet they refuse to refer to themselves as engaged but rather “in a relationship” or “courting.” (Well, yes, courting is a very refreshing word, but not applicable to the stage where you are discussing the details of your future home economy.)
Hey, I am in a relationship with my doctor or my cat, but not like that.
To me it is insulting if a man asks for a woman’s hand in public. What if she says, “No.” It takes a lot of self-conceit on the part of the man to do so.
Quite frankly, many times in such situations I think what is said is planned ahead and acted out.
Now that diamonds have been found in enormous amounts due to the discovery of a number of kimberlite pipes in southeast Zimbabwe, Mugabe is using these gemstones as leverage to secure his hold on power. Fueling his rapaciousness, are his lackey’s…the diabolic Zanu-PF…they are being payed with these new “blood diamonds”, the way Caligula payed his Praetorian Guard in Gold…another form of blood money…one is the element of gold, the other, the element of carbon in gem form… and shockingly he is Catholic, married in the Church, and had a Jesuit as a spiritual director…not much good came of that association I’m afraid. RGM is as bloodthirsty now as ever…his end is nigh as is Zanu’s
Oh yes Adamantine I heard about those blood diamonds. I saw a movie on how people are paid less, treated badly and some even were killed. It’s sad….
Diamonds only have value because society says they do…irrespective of their beauty, durability or rarity…these are only attributes that make diamonds unique and sought after…not valuable…