Stepping inside a dark confessional booth, facing one’s sins, and confessing them to the priest is scary, even for adults who’ve confessed their sins routinely for decades.
For children, receiving the sacrament of confession is intimidating. It can be so frightening that they avoid it altogether, yet there are ways parents can make confession if not a pleasant experience, at least one that is less fearful – and even a relief as sins are unburdened.
Catholic writer Debbie Gaudino, writing in Seton Magazine, shares tips her family uses to prepare their children for confession. Perhaps the best way, Gaudino writes, is for parents to live a life of forgiveness.
“From the time they were very small, my husband and I have taught our children to go beyond the perfunctory apology when they have done something wrong,” Gaudino writes. “Instead, we ask each other for forgiveness, and we extend forgiveness to each other when we have committed an offense.
Two of the other ways Gaudino and her husband attempt to make confession more pleasant are to provide opportunities for their children to practice inside the church confessional, following up with a discussion about kids’ fears and some ways to counteract them; and meeting and getting to know their parish priests outside the confessional.
“A few days prior to his first confession, my son shyly admitted to Father after Mass one Sunday that he was really nervous about going to confession,” Gaudino writes. “Father bent towards him and reassured him gently that Jesus loved him so much and so did he. I cannot overemphasize what a difference those words made to my son.”
Full story at OC Catholic.
Simple: don’t confirm them.
You take them once a month and make a habit of it. Not scary, just something that needs to be done!
Yes, except not habit. Devotion is a better word.
I’m sure there are many answers to the question, : “Confession for kids: How do we make sure the first reconciliation isn’t the last?”
For starters, it would help if there would be more time allotted than the half hour on Saturday. For families and for people who work that does not allow much time.This is what we have in my parish of over 2,000 families. In addition we are still blessed with three priests, but only one comes to hear confessions. Where are the other two? I mean this is their “job” their “work.” Are they watching cartoons? Sports? Sometimes people feel less comfortable in confessing to a priest they know. The option of other priests, since they are assigned to the parish and it is their work, should be offered.
I grew up in a very large parish on the East Coast. There was a pastor, four assistants and another priest or two who lived there. We had four confessionals. Every one of them was filled for the duration of the hours posted.
I think if the priests were committed to this sacrament, it would say a lot to the laity, parents and children. Just my opinion.
Most of the confessional have a small light in them now, or are in a room where there is plenty of light with the priest behind a scene. It is good for reading your lists of sins if one has written them down, or to look at list of sins from your prayer book. If the children are shown the inside of the confessional by their catechism instructors before they have to actually confess, most will not be scared.
Oops! “Most of the confessionals” and “screen” not “scene”, Sorry for all the typos. I am trying to stay off this computer and television news as much as possible — way too much negativity.
It is my opinion, though, that children should go into a confessional where they cannot be touched by a priest — such as one with a place for a penitent on each side where the priest is sitting. It is good to have a small light in each penitent’s side. This protects the child from molestation and the priest from false accusations. It is also best when another adult is present, preferably a parent.
To clarify: I meant the adult should be present on the outside of the confessional of course.
An orthodox, faithful Catholic school is much better for all of this! Kids can all “grow up Catholic” together, and share their experiences, good or bad! That will greatly lessen their fears, and help them with normalcy, regarding Confession! That priest who reassured the scared little hoy, sounds wonderful!
I think it is much easier for kids to all learn how to go to Confession, in a class with other kids! No fun to be in a lone class of “one,” for First Confession! I also have always thought that to kneel prayerfully, telling God your sins, as well as the priest, in the privacy and anonymity of the Confession box, is best– and seems more holy, too!
As a catechist in my classes I talk about going to confession myself. I tell the kids that it is a life long sacrament. I explain how good I feel when I know that my sins are forgiven. When a child sees you in the confession line that is powerful. I let them know that if they ever feel bad about anything they have done they can “talk” to the priest. Jesus loves them so much he will forgive anything that they have done. I encourage them to go to confession especially during Lenten season and before Easter. I tell them also that if they have not gone to confession since their first one they should go again. There are many stories in our Religious Ed materials about children and wrong behavior. They never mention the child needing to go and confess their sins. This is not good. Yes respecting feelings and saying sorry to the offended person is important, but there is a remedy for the soul as well.
These are all things a parent can do.
Many of these comments apply to adults too. If we don’t go to confession often, the thought of telling someone else what we may have done wrong is quite scary and frequently leads to more delay… Often stretching into years of trying to lead a good life but still feeling (Catholic guilt) that we really should go to confession, but still delay.
We gather as a family each evening before bedtime, for nightly examination of conscience (after rosary). The kids discover how often they NEED confession … and then go, usually weekly.