The following comes from a December 12 Valley Catholic article:
December comes with conflicting feelings for many people.
Shopping malls, workplaces, and our homes can be filled with Christmas songs that presume the season to be a joyful time for all. However, for those who have lost a loved one, the season often heightens the sense of emptiness brought on by that loss. When everyone seems to be singing
Joy to the World, those who still grieve might feel left out of the song. The time before Christmas can be a season of opposing emotions.
Four years ago, Saint Thomas began the Longest Night Prayer Service to recognize that Advent and Christmas is a difficult time for some people.
December 21 is the longest night of the year — the Winter Solstice —, and the sadness and emptiness that comes from grief can seem for many to be like the longest night. The prayer acknowledges that feeling sad and empty while others seem happy and joyful is okay.
The pastor, Father Dave Mercer, says, “At our first Longest Night Prayer Service before Christmas of 2013, a woman whose husband died a month beforehand came, sat toward the back, and cried nonstop. One of our bereavement team members, Frank, whose wife had died years before, simply sat with her and held her hand. Seeing that while leading the prayer, I knew that the prayer service was meeting a real need.
“I also met a man who told me he came to remember a friend who died forty years earlier. That told me that the long night of grief can last a lifetime.
“After that Christmas, my elderly mother’s health began to decline. When she died in May, I experienced the emptiness and sadness of grief like I never had before. When December came around, I felt the conflict of mixed emotions that can be part of the Holiday season. Our Longest Night Prayer Service that year was as much for me as it was for anyone else in the church that evening.”
The service begins at 7 p.m., and all (parishioners and nonparishioners, Catholics and non-Catholics) are welcome. As folks arrive, they receive a candle and a heart and are asked to write their loved one’s name on the heart before placing both in front of the altar. Prayer continues for about half an hour and is based on vespers, the Church’s evening prayer, using the Psalms which are wonderful for acknowledging the range of emotions we feel in life, including sadness and emptiness.
Song, moments of silence, Scripture, and a short reflection complete the prayer service. And yet, some who gather prefer simply to listen quietly. When prayer has ended, people may take their candles and hearts to be part of the Christmas setting in their homes. The Bereavement Support Ministry team then offers the hospitality of a simple snack in the hall and a chance to talk with others about the loved one they miss at Christmastime.
This is “community”, done the right way. Kudos for this church’s bereavement ministry.
This church’s program for grieving parishioners, looks very thoughtful and caring! Especially for the holiday season! It is also very hard, for many grieving widows and widowers, to eat alone. Some become quite depressed, and it is a good idea, to make some home visits, and see how they are doing, with their meals and nutrition, and overall health. Companionship is a wonderful thing, on a regular basis, for grieving people! And perhaps, it might be a good idea, to have regular hot meals, for grieving people– maybe at the church, or in a parishioner’s home, in a relaxed setting. And provide “take-home” bags of good food for them! My poor sister was sadly widowed in 2012, and she still attends her grief group, regularly, and…
I will finish, with my above post. …and she still attends her grief group, regularly, and they also go out for lunch, on holidays, birthdays, and other occasions. They also prayerfully support each other, on making new decisions, by themselves– such as getting a new job, selling a home, and moving into a smaller place, deciding to move to a new town, etc. My widowed mom, age 87, is very popular at her church, and being involved there, has really helped strengthen her tremendously, and has greatly helped her health, since the death of my father. She even recently received a special honor, as a volunteer!
I always check up on my mom and my sister, too, to make sure that they are feeling well, are eating well, and are getting through their day okay– especially my mom. Following a well-established daily routine, with regular meals, regular companionship, and relaxing walks and other nice activities, is very, very helpful! Plus, nice occasions to look forward to! They both have their Christmas trees up, and have been receiving many loving Christmas cards, phone calls, and little gifts of food, and other nice trinkets, from friends and neighbors. Now, when God someday takes my dear mother away to Heaven– I will be the one in deep grief and pain, in need of loving care!
Melancholy Babied.
A prayer service? Not praying for the dead, but rather “acknowledging the range of emotions we feel in life.” A little weird. Winter Solstice aside, it’s Advent! To everything there is a season, no? Turn, turn, turn and all that.
When life gives you lemonade, you don’t make lemons. Nor do you move St Patrick’s Day to Easter Week, so as not to put a damper on the high-spirited amongst us.
You wanna cheer ’em up? How ’bout Bingo, pool aerobics at the Y, or Sinatra night at the senior center.