The following comes from a July 13 story in Catholic San Francisco.
The Office of Marriage and Family Life, closed by the Archdiocese of San Francisco in a cost-cutting move in 2005, has been restored in the fiscal year budget that began July 1, the need for it growing exponentially.
A director of the office, who must have experience in marriage preparation and other family life programs and be bilingual in English and Spanish, will be hired, along with an assistant, hopefully by the end of September. The director’s assignment will be to support marriage and family life matters in the parishes, said Auxiliary Bishop Robert McElroy.
During the past 15 years, the number of sacramental marriages in the archdiocese, and across the nation, has fallen almost by 60 percent, an interim task force on marriage assembled by the archdiocese found. Forces behind the trend include the growing secularization of society, while people in their 20s and 30s are statistically least engaged in the life of the church, Bishop McElroy said.
Launching an office amid those challenges, as well as managing other ministries, including support for separated and divorced people, aid to the grieving and providing support for people after they’re married, is a tall order, Bishop McElroy said. “The work of this office will be a lot of start-up work and work with volunteers, and it won’t get done all at once,” he said.
Bishop McElroy is particularly interested in providing a service for couples before their kids are school age. “We do not have a niche for that in parish life in general,” he said.
He added that the Office of Marriage and Family Life is one that Archbishop George Niederauer “felt was needed and wanted to restore.”
The director will report to Deacon John Norris, director of the department of Pastoral Ministry, who said restoration of the office “is a positive move forward to do more in ministry.”
One hurdle to church marriages, said Bishop McElroy and Deacon Norris, is unique to a multicultural archdiocese like San Francisco: It is quinceanera, the expensive celebration of a Latina’s 15th birthday, a passage from childhood to young womanhood – so expensive that it drains money from families that cannot later afford a costly church wedding reception. The church wedding is postponed, and put off again when children are born.
“We are addressing that,” said Bishop McElroy, as numerous parishes are helping couples arrange for long-delayed weddings that will be recognized by the Catholic Church.
To read original story, click here.
Quinceanera is an extravagant and foolish waste of money. Who says that weddings have to be expensive anyway? The “wedding industry” has sold the misguided idea that couples must spare no expense on their special day. One of the goals of the resurrected Office of Marriage and Family Life ought to be to convince young Catholics that a wedding doesn’t have to be extravagant. In fact, it probably makes wise financial sense to plan a joyful but frugal celebration.
A Quinceanera is not a wedding. You are right though, You don’t have to spend alot of muney. It’s your relationship with God that realy counts.
It all gets back to lack of teaching Catholics (including Priests) to read the “CATECHISM of the CATHOLIC CHURCH, Second Edition”, which contains beautiful teaching on Marriage with references to Holy Scripture. What is the Diocese doing to encourage reading the CCC prior to engagements? (or at any stage of life over age 16)?
another problem even in very catholic chultures such as the filpino culture is the crazy notion that you have to spend a bundle on a big fancy wedding – some they sometimes postpone getting married in the church until thier children are older which is rather nuts.
why not have a sacramental marriage even if its very simple a low cosst to start with the graces of the sacrament and then way down the rowad when you you have mor emoney spend it one your 25th annive4rsairy or something?
The Archdiocese of San Francisco and the Catholic bishops in general should have anticipated this problem years ago. Decades of dumbingdown the teachings of the Church on contraception, abortion, and marriage itself have resulted in young Catholics ignoring the beliefs they may or may not have learned in their childhood. They think of the Church only in terms of a wedding venue (if they marry at all) or a place for Quinceaneras. Added to the problem is the cost of church weddings. Too often church bureaucrats are greedy for extra revenue (obviously from a reduction in the number of regular church goer donations), and the costs of a wedding results in some Catholics being discouraged and then just getting married in City Hall, for example. I looked at the websites of two of the popular “wedding churches” in Sacramento. St. Francis of Assisi Church requires of parishioners who have been registered for at least one year a “church donation of $600”. For non-registered parishioners, “the donation is $1050.00”. (Note: This might explain the otherwise inexplicable postings of new parishioners shown as “Mary Smith and John Jones”.) The Cathedral of the Blessed Sacrament does not “demand” a specific donation. They state bluntly on their website under “Wedding Fees”: “The fee for the Cathedral is $2,000.00, payable in two payments.” “Other Personnel Fees” include $100 for the Wedding Coordinator, and music-related fees. The wealthy Catholics will have showy weddings and the poorer Catholics may not get married in Church at all.
Canon Law states that as a catholic in good standing with all the initiation sacraments can be married in the church. No mention of any cost is included.
If I was a memeber of one of these parishes and was donating my time, talent and treasure than I would expect to be married in my parish at no cost to me.
Then the parish will say it is not for the sacrament but is a fee for cleaning or something else. It is a scam and should be stopped. This practice by some churches is not the reason for a 60% drop in sacramental marriages. Is is interfaith marriages between a catholic and a non-christian that are part of the reason.
In my experience of speaking with pastors and newly married couples, those who are poor can get married for nothing at all.
The fees you describe, as you point out, help the parish stay in the black, especially when a couple is spending a fortune on a very elaborate wedding and has never darkened the doors of the church in years. Their wedding is their one chance to contribute to the well-being of the Church.
However, when a couple tells their priest that money is tight, they work out with him what they can afford to give to the parish, and sometimes that is zero. I’ve never heard of a couple being turned away from the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony because they could not pay the fees.
In addition, some pastors even offer free “group weddings” here in San Francisco, for those who have been married civilly for many years and have no impediments to a sacramental marriage – rather like the Sacrament of Confirmation, if you will, with the whole community coming together to witness this important and sacred commitment.
Our Pastor gave us a book when our daughter tuernd 3. It’s called My Place at God’s Table . We homeschool and have daily devotions time integrated into our schedule and along with doing a child friendly devotion we also read a short passage out of our bible and we read this nice book that explains the significance and meaning of communion. Alyvia started taking communion shortly after we were given this book and I know she generally understands the concept but she is also growing daily in her relationship with Christ. I don’t feel it is a tradition I feel it is an important part of Lyvi and Christ Jesus’ realtionship that I am nurturing in His name daily.Shylo recently posted..
This is great news!
Now, I pray that they will promote Natural Family Planning!!!
And that all weddings be held inside Church, and not in any other
venue.
here in the archdiocese of san francisco, catholic weddings are only celebrated in a parish church, except for thosse occasions where law permits the bihsop to make an exception — for example, if a catholic is marrying a perosn who violently objects to even BEING in a church buidling, the bihsop can give permission for a more neutral location.
(personally, i think any catholic marrying such a person is nuts – if they won’t be in church for your WEDDING day, how are they going to talk to your children about your catholic gfaith? how are they going to allow the baptism of your babies? avoid all this stress and choose a good catholic to marry…)
More and more I believe the lion’s share of the responsibility for the current shape of the Church rests with the bishops and to a lessor extent the priests. In the simplest terms, they haven’t done a good job. It often seems like the biggest problem is that clergy simply don’t work long and hard enough at being good shepherds of their flocks. Today’s expectations of clergy seem very low. We’re conditioned to be happy with “at least your parish is still open.” Hogwash! We need excellence. While they are certainly some out there, the number of true leaders (shepherds!) seems quite small.
Good discussion here…
In LA, some Catholic Churches are now prohibiting Quinceranna masses because so many Hispanic parents go into debt to give their daughter the expensive cermemony and reception they want. Pastors think the spiritual element has been lost in this rite of passage.
Someone mentioned Natural Family Planning being taught, something which is dead on arrival in virtually all Catholic homes. Forcing that on marrying couples will drive even more of them out of Church ceremonies, and maybe out of the Church altogether. 0ur Popes blew it on that one.
That sounds like the government deciding that people can no longer buy “big gulps”. NOT the church’s place to “prohibit”.
If the church is not teaching, then the people in the pews aren’t aware – No, they DON’T read the catechism at home (well, the great majority) and most of us get protestant homilies (be nice, love everybody, social justice, and money in the donation box).
Give them the truth, the whole CATHOLIC truth and then, let them go. Now take a look at the DIOCESE we’re speaking of! “Homosexual friendly” parishes, priests and … Most Holy Redeemer immediately comes to mind. Homosexual marriages promoted by San Fran Mayor Gavin Newsom.
Let us pray that the Archdiocese will do a better job of picking this Director than they did in choosing their pro-sodomite Head of Catholic Charities. Pray for Archbishop Neiderauer that he may become a true Shepherd.
God bless, yours in Their Hearts,
Kenneth M. Fisher
We all know the true reason, overall, for a huge reduction of sacramental Church weddings! When I was growing up, a big Church wedding was always the proper way for all Catholics to get married! Money was never an issue! Every Catholic family belonged to a parish, every Catholic went to Catholic school (or else Catechism class if not Catholic school) and everyone was well-versed in their Catholic faith and morals, even though the Mass and Sacraments were in Latin (a foreign language!) Religion and morality, and the central place of family life in society overall, were taken very seriously!! Today’s immoral, Godless, pagan, “hippie” society, and the tragic destruction of religious faith and morals, as well as the destruction of the home and family life, and the loss of mature, unique adult roles of man and woman, have resulted in a massive, horrific damage to our Church and country!! Our Church leaders, since Vatican II, do not seem to have the courage and commitment, to sacrifice their pride and take necessary strong measures, to properly preach, teach, and lead the Catholic faithful, and demand, by their own Canon Law, a Church of true integrity!! Indeed– there is very little left, today, of the Church that Christ once established, over 2,000 years ago!! Ignorant, hedonistic,over-educated, “liberal,” selfish barbarians have destroyed Christ’s holy work!! What is mature, adult “Marriage and Family Life,”– to ignorant, selfish, barbaric, pagan American Hippies?? They now totally rule our nation, these filthy, immoral, immature, ignorant Hippies!!
Amen, sister. I couldn’t have said it better myself.
hippies? haven’t seen one in quite a while…
From the sound of it, it looks like the Church is now selling weddings sort of like they sell or once sold confession. After all there is big money in the buying and selling of sacraments. The sacrament of ordination, for example, has been sold to many homosexuals. The sacrament of last rites has been sold … maybe it’s the burial plot in the same yard as the grave of a saint. I don’t know if anyone has yet figured out how to sell baptism or confirmation, but they certainly sell the Mass here and there. The problem is where to go for the Sacraments which are being respected and not marketed.
The Church sold confession? It would be simony to sell sacraments. Mortal sin. JLS, did you through a RCIA program when you came into the Church?
I think he may have meant indulgences.
selling weddings? i’ll take two!
The way to have more Catholic weddings, so important, is to make them as easy to schedule as possible. Even more important, Baptism should should be offered to any walk-in with an infant for the good of the future of the Church. We still do pretty nice funeral masses, but if you want yours in the extraordinary form it will be denied in the vast majority of parishes in California. The Quinceañera is a good custom that will seal many young people as publically Catholics. Nothing wrong with public profession of Faith.
They can’t deny the requiem. Take it up a level (or 2) if anyone suggests that it “may be denied”.
Kenneth Fisher, yes pray for AB Niederhauer for his continued recovery from his heart operation…..but he’s put in his retirement papers, so
PLEASE pray for a new orthodox and no history with San Francisco
archbishop!!!
Sounds like it’s a whole lot less money to take a caravan of limos down to Mexico for a Church wedding there, complete with an entire five star hotel reserved for two weeks with complete entertainment, meals and drinks, not to mention cuban cigars, for a party of several hundred than to pay for the typical wedding in some of these USA dioceses. Or maybe if the budget is hurting, then fly a priest up from Mexico and have a wedding in the honeymoon apartment, with all the pizza and beer anyone can consume before nine pm when the guests leave. Oh wait, what about simply the bride and groom watch one of the stained glass liturgical videos being marketed by the Jesuit from Loyola Marymount? Would he be willing to sign the marriage witness document to be posted on facebook?
Spending more money than what one can reasonably afford for a wedding is wasteful if not immoral. Small weddings are much nicer. Envy is a capital sin. Pride is a capital sin. Any Parish that charges more than $200 for a wedding should be reported to the Diocese Bishop, and then if still necessary to the US Papal Nuncio and the Vatican. All sex outside of marriage is a Mortal Sin.
PETE, you are quite precise in your insights.
what if a parish just charges $199.99 for a wedding?
what if a couple has an elaborate wedding – should they be excommunicated?
i’m just dying to hear your responses, which, i’m sure, will be capital…
max, maybe expensive weddings tend to dissuade against serial weddings.
JLS, especially if mom and dad are paying for the wedding!
except for newt gingrich and others with loads of money and little conscience, though.
i think a SERIOUS wedding is better than having SERIAL weddings.
See marriagebuildingcalifornia.com for a new initiative to offer marriage and relationship education throughout the state. Now being implemented in Oakland and San Bernardino dioceses.